Generally
speaking, there's a lot more profanity in Spanish discourse than in
English conversation. And, as someone wrote the other day, it comes
from the mouths of everyone, from grandmothers down to the kids on
the street. So it was with some surprise that last night I saw "as
useless as tits on a bull" translated as "tan
útil como un peine para un calvo" - as
useless as a comb for a bald man. An
opportunity missed, I feel.
If
the subject of Spanish swearing interests you, at the end of this
post there's a letter allegedly sent by a British manager to the
company's Spanish employees, instructing them to stop the endless
badmouthing towards foreigners. For one reason and another, I doubt
it's genuine but it's certainly amusing. It contains many of the
standard expressions and insults, for which you may need a good
dictionary. Or a Spanish friend. HT to my Ferrol friend, Richard, for
this.
More
news of the brothel (La Perla)
in the village of Esclavitud (Slavery), where the owner is accused of
buying a 15 year Romanian girl previously forced into prostitution -
The owner is said to have sunk to these depths of depravity because
of falling profits. A 15 year old pulls in a lot more
clients than a rag-bag of 40 year olds and the place was facing
closure thanks to La Crisis
and the fact that road and rail construction on either side of it had
left it an island that customers found hard to locate. Indeed, the
brothel owner had installed a large map at the side of the road to
make access clearer to potential customers - probably illegally. You
couldn't make it up. Anyway, I predict that the place is closed, the
owner is given a suspended jail sentence and that it opens up again
in a year or two, under a new name. And the owner loses no
friends.
We
have a relatively new bridge and its purpose was to direct traffic
away from one of the old bridges and in the direction of a new road over
the mountain that hardly anyone used. In this way, congestion would
be eased at the end of the old bridge, especially during the summer
months when everyone was heading for the beaches. It was a good plan
but it didn't work. Drivers remained stubbornly attached to the less
sensible of the 2 options to coastal destinations. So, now we're
being told that - because of works related to the supply of water -
roads are being closed and there will be no other option than the new
bridge and the new road. If this, as I suspect, is a stratagem, then
it's a good one and I sort of wish them luck. The only thing wrong
with it is that I'm one of the very few drivers who currently use
the new bridge and I'm loath to lose my status and afeared of dealing
with more drivers at the roundabouts at each end of it.
Our
local corruption case centres on the Board of a large fish-packing
company. They're accused of fiddling the accounts for one reason and
another. But the latest accusation concerns the auditors they had for
years, BDO, who are accused of complicity in the falsification of
the books. You've certainly got a problem when an international firm
of guardians indulges in criminality. Quis
custodiet ipsos custodes, as they
say. And answer came there none.
Finally
. . . We have a half-marathon in Pontevedra today. As with all of our
sporting events, the weather gods are having fun at our expense and
are threatening to drop half of the Atlantic on us. As of now, the
sun is peeking through thick clouds but this surely can't last. God
help the traders on the Sunday flea market. Oh, and the runners, of
course.
APPENDIX: LETTER
TO SPANISH EMPLOYEES OF BRITISH COMPANY RE SWEARING.
Por lo
visto, en el extranjero - especialmente en el Reino Unido - creen
que los españoles tenemos un lenguaje, digamos . . . rudo.
Una
multinacional británica no está satisfecha con el lenguaje que
utilizan algunos de sus empleados aquí in Spain. Se han enterado de
la frecuencia de los tacos en las conversaciones de la empresa y
esto les ha llevado a emprender una cruzada de limpieza
lingüística.
Para ello, Mr. Adamson, que es el responsable
del Área de Comunicación Interna, ha enviado "a la plantilla
española" un decálogo en contra del uso del lenguaje
impropio.
Dice así:
FROM: Group
Offices London
TO: All
Spanish Staff
SUBJECT:
Improper Language Usage
It's been
brought to our attention by several officials visiting
our headquarters that the Spanish staff commonly uses offensive
language. Such behaviour, in addition to violating our group's
policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors
and the staff itself.
Therefore
it is requested to our Spanish staff to adhere immediately to
the following rules:
1. Foreign colleagues or
visitors should not be referred to as "ese guiri de
mierda".
2. Words like "coño", "hostia",
and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no
matter how heated the discussion is.
3. You will not say
"la ha cagao" when someone makes a mistake, or "la
está cagando" if you see somebody being reprimanded, or
"¡qué cagada!" when a major mistake has been made.
All direct or derived forms of the verb "cagar" are
inappropriate in our environment.
4. No Project Manager,
Section Supervisor or Head of Administration Chief, will be
referred to, under any circumstances, as "el hijo de la gran
puta", or "el muy cabrón" or even "el
comemierda".
5. Lack of determination will not be
referred as to "falta de huevos" or "mariconería"
nor will persons with a lack of initiative be ever referred to
as "capullo" or "acojonado".
6. Unusual
and/or creative ideas shall not be referred to as "pajas mentales"
in particular when they stem from your manager.
7. You
will not say "cómo me jode" if a person is persistent, or
"está jodido" or "se lo van a follar" if a
colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore,
when matters become complicated the words "qué jodienda"
should not be used.
8. When asking someone to leave you
alone, you must not say "vete a tomar por culo", nor
should you ever substitute the most educated "may I help you?"
with "¿que coño quieres ahora?"
9. If things
get tough, an acceptable expression such as we are going through
a difficult time should be used rather than "esto esta jodido"
or "nos van a follar a todos". Additionally, if you
make a mistake, just say so and do not say "que putada"
or any expressions composed with the root "puta".
10.
No salary increase shall ever be referred to as "subida de
mierda".
11. Last, but not least, after reading this
note please do not say "me voy a limpiar el culo con ella"
or "me la paso por el forro de los cojones".
Just keep it
clean and odorless and dispose of it properly.
B. regards
J.W. Adamson
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