As a doctor, I'm often asked by visitors: Are
the Spanish really as rude as they seem to be? The answer to this
is, of course, Yes and No.
1. The Spanish can be the most civil people on
earth, provided only that they know you. For the personal factor is
everything in Spain and, once that link is in place, it entitles you
to superlative treatment, possibly above anything you've had
elsewhere. I've experienced the same thing in the Middle East.
2. If they don't know you, things can be quite
different. They might not park in front of your garage, for example,
if there is a personal link, but they might if there isn't. My
neighbour proves this rule by ignoring it.
3. This personal link is easy to establish; you
just start talking. So, for example, in the days when people smoked
while you were eating next to them, a polite request would result in
profuse apologies and the immediate stubbing of the cigarette. (I
almost wrote 'fag' but this would have confused any American readers.
4. Some concepts common to other countries are unknown or unrecognised in Spain. These include:-
4. Some concepts common to other countries are unknown or unrecognised in Spain. These include:-
a. Personal space. Put simply, you haven't
got any. And what you think you have will be regularly invaded, e. g.
when someone walks out of shop and right across your path, 5cm in
front of your nose. Another aspect of this norm is that people will
make no effort to 'compromise' with you when the two of you are occupying
the space of only one person. On the pavement, for example. If you're
lucky, there'll be a semi-pasa doble movement when the other
person is, say, 30cm from you. But it's important for them that they don't acknowledge your existence. This may be connected with the preservation of 'face'. Something else I've seen in the Middle East.
b. Noise: The Spanish have a word for this,
of course, but no concept of what it means. Or of when it become
unusual by international standards. And they don't have a phrase for
'deafening' noise. So it's perfectly permissible here to shout at someone
when you're talking to them.
c. Augmenting the last point is the acceptability
of talking at the same time as someone else. Or everyone in
the same discussion speaking at the same time. At its worst, this can
lead to a shout-fest. To see these in action any night of the week,
you need only watch any talk-show on TV. And it makes no difference
whether this is low-end (gossip) or high-end (political
analysis); they may start differently but they all end the same way.
One's forced to conclude this behaviour is, in fact, compulsory in
Spain.
d. Child control: Another unknown concept.
There are exceptions but, generally, Spanish kids are allowed to do
what they want, as loudly as they want. In 13 years, I don't think
I've heard a single child told to stop something -
kicking a ball around a café, for example - because he's
upsetting/endangering adults. If you visit a Spanish school you'll
see the effect of allying the no-noise norm with the no control norm.
Bedlam, in short.
e. Queue jumping: There are some, I
suspect, who'd say this is another unknown concept but I differ on
this. I've only had to haul back a couple of disingenuous old women
over the years. What does go on is that, as you're talking to, say,
the Telefónica woman, someone will come into the shop and address a
query to her, as you are engaged in conversation. And she will reply.
The convention appears to be that, if both the enquiry and the
response are short, then the interruption is acceptable. I've seen
the same thing in queues in the supermarket where a person wanting
only one item will jump it at the expense of the rest. I tend to
regard this, not as an example of bad manners, but of Spanish
pragmatism. Though I suspect most Brits could not bring themselves to
do it.
f. Mobile phones: At least as much as
elsewhere in the world - and quite possibly more so - the Spanish
will answer their phone whoever they're currently talking to. I see
this as a reflection of the love of talking. If the prospect of an
exciting new conversation arises, it must be seized.
g. Planning: The Spanish are aware of this
concept but positively abhor and avoid it. They pride themselves,
in contrast, on their spontaneity and will deliberately try to sabotage
the efforts of anally-retentive Northern Europeans to lay down plans
for more than 3 hours ahead.
h. Invitations: Connected to the last point
is the Spanish inability to stick to their acceptance of an
invitation. Everyone will accept your invitation but few of them will
actually turn up. This is because a Spanish Yes really means
Yes, unless something better comes up in the meantime. Even if
this merely means sitting on the sofa with a drink in your hand.
j. Lying: The Spanish are rather ambiguous
about lying. You can see this from the fact the word for 'lie' -
mentira - also means 'mistake'. So, if you meet a
friend who didn't turn up after accepting your invitation, he or she
will give you an outrageous reason for this. You'll both know they're
not telling the truth and, in this way, your friend can convince
himself he or she made a mistake and didn't lie. Especially if they
missed a party everyone else is talking about. In fact, the more
outrageous the lie, the easier the liar can convince himself you know
he's not telling the truth. Therefore, he's not lying. Just covering
up.
Well, that's enough education for today. I might
have more tomorrow, depending, perhaps, on the Comments. . .
Needless to say, the way to deal with (survive?)
all the above is to lower your expectations and love the Spanish for
what they are - Not you.
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