I learned today of the existence of The Commission for the Rationalisation of the Spanish Timetable and its Normalisation with Other European Countries. It’s been running since 2003 and my immediate question was – What has it done in 5 years? This was actually posed in a Q&A in the article and the answer, though 83 words long, can be briefly translated as ‘Nothing’. Which didn’t come as a shock.

I’ve occasionally commented that I think the Spanish media goes too far – for me, at least - in its publication of photos of blood and gore. Not to mention bullet-ridden and decapitated bodies. But El País may finally have overdone it, even for local [non]sensitivities. I didn’t see it but earlier this month it published a picture of the naked body of a woman in Mexico who’d been raped and murdered. This actually provoked some angry letters and, today, a response in the paper. Needless to say, this was pure sophistry. To me, at least.

Surveys here suggest most Spaniards don’t actually care that much about Gibraltar. My guess is the same applies in Portugal in respect of the town of Olivenza, which the Portuguese government continues to insist be returned to them by Spain. In this post, Daniel Hannan equates the two but I have to say the place didn’t sound or feel very Portuguese when I visited it last year. That said, if the British government didn’t desperately want to get shut of The Rock, they might be able to make something of the interesting historical and legal parallels.

Talking to my Spanish friends – all ladies, obviously – about the relative merits and demerits of supermarkets here, there was no consensus on which was the best. But we all hated Carrefour. And not just because it’s French. And we all agreed that the Valencian Mercadona chain seems to employ intelligent staff and then actually train them. So, for example, they won’t treat it as a competition if both you and they are heading for the same aisle or door with your respective trolleys. One which they must win, at any cost.

Talking of shopping . . . For the last year or so, I’ve been buying bird seed for the bottom of my garden. As a result, I now have a resident sparrow community numbering around thirty. Anyway, despite the fact that the supermarkets – led by Mercadona – have just embarked on the most vicious price war in their history, I see the price of a packet of seed has just soared by more than 20%. So, it’s bye bye, birdie, I’m afraid. Every little helps.

And still talking of shopping . . . I continue to fail to get the hang of Spanish modalities. Wanting something from one of the local ironmonger Aladdin’s caves, I decided not to hang around and wait to be asked if it was my turn but to do what everyone does and ask an assistant dealing with someone else if they had a glass-cutter. He said Yes and he’d come back to me very soon. I then waited as he finished with the customer and then toured the shop, downstairs and upstairs, in obvious search of something. But, when he came back, he asked me “What was it you wanted again?”. Needless to say, at least two people who’d come in after me had been served while I waited for this.

I can’t recall whether, at the last count, the number of local daily newspapers available in Galicia - pop. of around 3m – was 13 or 14. But to my astonishment, there was another on the rack this morning. It’s El Ideal Gallego and it seems to be printed in La Coruña. And this is at a time when major national newspapers around the world are struggling to survive because of internet developments. Can all of these journals really be kept alive by real café subscriptions and ghost subscriptions from the town halls and the regional parliament? I guess so.

Finally, there were two conferences on Global Warming last week. We've all heard the pronouncements from one of them but few of us will have been aware of the one described in this article. All rather confusing. Pick your experts.

The PP corruption saga I labelled the National Soap Opera has just taken a rather unexpected turn, in what must be Act 8 or 9. The crusading leftist judge who’s been persecuting the right-of-centre Opposition, has been accused of tax evasion around US earnings. As I understand it, the charge has come from within the judicial system, where - of course - there are right-wing as well as left-wing judges in a very politicised establishment. The Spanish political cockpit is a raucous and rumbustious arena and one can’t help wondering whether this is the price being paid for disturbing one of the nests of vipers. Or should that be 'nexus'?

Addressing said PP corruption issue - on which it majored before the recent elections - El País on Sunday was honest enough to say it didn’t seem to have played much of a part in the decision-making of the electorate. None at all might be a more accurate comment. It’s tempting to conclude that the voters in, say, Galicia don’t simply care much about skulduggery in Madrid or Valencia but even this isn’t to go far enough. Reports of support given by local residents for mayors accused of corruption suggest it’s actually seen as a good reason to continue voting for him/her. Sometimes Spain does rather seem like a patchwork of the 18th and 21st centuries.

Which is a thought which also struck me when I read that the country’s pharmacies will soon be operating a computerised system that will do away with the mountains of paper that always need to be processed for all the customers ahead of me in the queue. Though not in my own case as – being prematurely retired - I don’t have social security and am forced to hand over the full price for everything in return for a simple prescription. Or verbal request.

I suggested recently that, if the property market is to pick up when the current stock of unsold dwellings is exhausted some time in 2012, then constructors really should be starting on new builds around now. In contrast, Mark Stucklin of Spanish Property Insight [see link] tells us that none of the major developers started a single property in December or January and, probably, February. So there could be a period of famine once the feast has finally petered out. Or will the prices of the last remaining houses and flats start to soar in 2011, when it becomes crystal clear no one will be able to buy anything in 2012. And are things ever as neat and as predictable as this?

There was an interesting development around Gibraltar recently. One of the radio channels claimed that Britain had conceded the place to the Spanish and that Spain had ceded its North African enclaves to Morocco. They then interviewed people for their reactions. Which elicited some nice anti-British comments, apparently. Good, clean fun.

Having touched on Spanish cronyism yesterday, it’s only fair I cite this article on the UK equivalent. British corporatism doesn’t take quite the same form perhaps - being less concerned with personal fortunes - but it’s still corruption. As the writer says, “It involves big government inviting big business into bed and then taking decisions which the principal players call the public interest but is actually their own interest. It may not begin as a giant conspiracy against taxpayers and voters, but that's quickly where this kind of politics leads. So, private shareholders get stitched up, parliament discusses the consequences barely at all, voters can only look on and the opposition seems not very exercised by it all.”

Finally, a couple of pix of the attempt by one of my neighbours to squeeze her large Audi into a small space.

From the front . . .


And, better perhaps, from the back . . .

The percebe – or goose barnacle – is an ugly but highly prized and very expensive delicacy here. Even more so in Madrid. I read today that someone is going to market a paté of the repulsive-looking thing. I guess, like the original product, it will taste of nothing but sea water. However, it’ll certainly have a couple of edges in that, firstly, it will actually look edible and, secondly, it won’t have the consistency of rubber.

Over at her blog, my Vigo friend, Anthea, has been noting the sort of thing that makes Spain both wonderful and weird, at least to us foreigners. She touches, of course, on one on my pet-hates – the ubiquitous smoking – and this reminded me that I’d wanted to say that, while the number of people indulging in the habit may not have reduced, the legislation does seem to have diminished the amount of smoking done in places of work other than bars and restaurants. Which is presumably the explanation for this mass of cigarette butts outside the office in the residential street I walk through on the way to town each morning . . .


I can’t recall whether it’s Act 7 or Act 8 of the National Soap Opera but the crusading judge, Baltasar Garzón, has had to comply with the decision of the Public Prosecutor to transfer the PP corruption case to the courts of the Madrid and Valencia regions, rather than to Spain’s supreme court. Presumably it will now fade from public view. Especially now the elections are over.

In answer to reader Justin’s query about Gibraltar, I wrote early this morning that the Left seemed admirably less agitated than the Right about Princess Anne’s visit there this week. But - by pure coincidence I suppose - both of their house organs – El País and El Mundo, respectively – had only a brief column on page 19 today. So I reached for ABC, confident it would be on or near the front page. But I finally found it on page 23. Not a huge issue, it seems.

While doing this, I caught sight of the headline ‘Amor y esperanza’ but, to my disappointment, it turned out not to be about Graeme from South of Watford and Señora Aguirre, the Presidenta of the Madrid region.

Here’s more on the need for the EU to get its act together to avoid the Armageddon some feel/felt was impossible – “What is so dangerous, and different, this time, is that France and Germany do not at the moment see eye to eye at all. As well pointed out by Judy Dempsey today in the International Herald Tribune, the Germans are appalled by the lack of budgetary discipline in Paris, and horrified at the idea of having to bail out profligate countries in the east. Angela Merkel and Nicolas Sarkozy haven't quite sparred in public yet - they've left the sparring to Hungary, the Czechs and others who have taken shots at their bigger cousins. But common ground must be found, and soon, because the EU cannot afford countries to go bust, and it cannot afford disunity while negotiating with the US and China over the future of the global economy.” Here’s the link to the IHT article cited.

Referring back to Gordon Brown’s aspiration – demand? – for a global New Deal, the aphorism that all politics are local is never more true than in times of crisis, when personal and national self-interest are maximised. So it will, in all truth, be a stupendous political achievement if the EU survives. How it will look economically and socially – especially for countries such as Spain – is anyone’s guess. Bloody awful, is my suspicion. But, hey! No pain, no gain.

But, meanwhile, here’s some info on the latest solution - quantitative easing. This is different from everything else tried so far, except to the extent that no one has the slightest idea whether it will work or not. But, ignoring its failure in Japan, some have convinced themselves that it will. Let’s hope they’re right as, whether it does or it doesn’t, we’ll be paying for it for a long time, they say.

I regularly say that the most important thing in Spain is to have fun. Sometimes, though, the definition of this can be a tad troublesome. Here’s a video which is currently very popular here but which some see not as a bit of harmless fun but as an example of macho aggression. These would be the people regarded here as killjoys. At least by half the population.

The Spanish media today is inevitably concerned with little but the awful plane crash at Madrid airport. And there were early signs of the ghoulish Spanish obsession with blood and gore. In this case, I fear, charred remains.

One or two people on the radio and TV have pointed out there are far more deaths on the roads - even after recent impressive reductions - but I guess it's inevitable that a horrific single event will always garner far more media attention than is purely logical.

Listening to the reports on RNE 1 this morning, I was rather taken back when the Madrid anchor man congratulated [Enhorabuena] the reporter who'd just given an account of her night in the makeshift morgue with grieving relatives. It didn't really seem appropriate to me but perhaps Spanish nuances are different and it's a more multi-purpose word.

I've been bad over the years at providing links to those sites kind enough to link to mine. But - after The Ibex Salad - I've now added one to Lenox's site, The Spanish Shilling. Click here for his amusing comment on how the Gibraltar issue is usually treated in Spain. On this, I've written several times that the British government is pretty desperate to get shut of the place but my impression is no one in Spain can understand or believe this. Though Zapatero's government must be given credit for the softly-softly, tripartite approach which is the only one likely to reap dividends for Spain. Unless Lenox's prediction comes true. If it does, he who laughs last may well laugh longest. In English. The spitters' preference.

Galicia

The chap I mentioned yesterday who made the reference about English being more akin to spitting than speaking also missed another trick by concentrating on the utterly irrelevant fidelity of Gallego to Latin when compared with Spanish. As the latter is another language with its guttural moments, he could have stressed not just Gallego's softness but also its poetic musicality. One reason for doing so is that, when it comes to its prosaic utility, he would have been weaker ground. For I believe I'm right in saying that Gallego lacks the present perfect tense of English [I have made], Spanish [he hecho], French [J'ai fait] and even its sister language Portuguese [Tenho feito]. To anyone who wants to correct this, please feel free to do so but without telling me I'm a troll, an ignorant English bastard, an imbecile, a cretin, etc., etc. We know this already.

For the photo special today I had to chose between bins full of four days of decaying rubbish and some beautiful stonework stored in the car park of the nearby school of granite carvers. Luckily for you - who probably know what rotting garbage looks like - I've gone with the carvings. But first another look at what the bottom half of the car park looks like. If I could lift one, I'd be tempted to borrow one of the large rocks in the foreground . . .


But what I really want to show is these finely bevelled blocks, one of which I certainly would like to take home with me. Though god knows what for. I can't imagine any other reason for their creation than the honing of skills and it's a bit of a shame that they'll probably lie here until they're blackened with whatever grows on granite. Moss? Lichen? Fungus?

By the way, they are bigger than they may seem. At least a metre square. So rather heavy. And useful to hide behind if you're a young rabbit being chased by my decrepit border collie, Ryan.

So, after the Abbey National, Spain’s giant Banco Santander is now snapping up another British building-society-turned-failed-bank. This time the Alliance & Leicester. And at a price much lower than when they first talked several months ago. As one commentator has put it:- “This is a drop in the ocean for Santander but the speed with which negotiations were concluded reflects a certain urgency. And rightly so. Last week was the scariest British banks have come through since the Northern Rock fiasco. The British banking system is in a dreadful mess”. Which is less than impressive for a sector so critical to the total economy. Of course, Banco Santander must now achieve ‘negative synergy’ with the A&L by doing what it’s done with the Abbey and ‘let go of’ a huge chunk of its staff. Ironically, I doubt it would be able to do this if it had bought a Spanish competitor. If I’m wrong on this, no doubt some kind reader will let me know.

As for the British and – for the Spanish – their defining characteristic, the new mayor of London has this to say about them – The British are at their most hypocritical when it comes to supermarkets. We extol the small shops; we pretend to yearn for the days when you queued on sawdust for someone to climb a ladder and reach for a dusty tin at the back of a darkened shelf. But in reality we love the light and the space and the ease and the affordability of the supermarkets. Happily – or unhappily – in the Social Democratic form of capitalism that prevails in Spain, the supermarkets have so far been kept in their place – on the outskirts of town. Though numerous Chinese ‘bazaars’ with relaxed opening hours have insinuated themselves into the conurbations. Pontevedra very much included.

Things may be developing well between Britain and Spain over Gibraltar but this can’t be said for the analogous Spanish possessions of Ceuta and Melilla in northern Africa. Spain does not regard these as colonies but as enclaves which are a part of Spain. As Corsica – really – is a part of France. But this is not the view taken by the Moroccans and their demands for a Spanish handover rather soured the recent short visit of President Zapatero to Rabat. No doubt things will be sorted out in the fullness of time. Probably when Spain decides it’s just too expensive to retain these anachronistic possessions on the African continent. But there are certainly no votes in this right now. Quite the opposite, I suspect.

Galicia Facts

With the sad death of 108 year-old Olive Riley, we now boast the world’s oldest blogger in Maria Amelia Lopez. Who is a whippersnapper of 97 and who’s just been given a new computer by her grandson. Hats off to both of them. Actually, she lives just down the coast road, in Combarro. I must try to meet her. I’m a bit concerned she writes in Spanish and not Gallego. Now that she’s famous, will the Xunta be knocking on her door in the small hours of the morning? Probably not. My guess is they’ll just provide a daily translation. Unless the taxpayers rebel. Or unless there’s nothing in the kitty because VAT and transfer tax receipts have plummeted with the sudden death of the construction boom.

On the latter, it’s an eerie experience driving round the edges of both Pontevedra and Vigo, where vast blocks of new flats continue to rise. One wonders, first, when they will be finished and, secondly, when they will all be occupied. And how many cheap Portuguese labourers are now out of a job. Or soon will be.

Finally, here’s a nice photo of a group of Galician musicians and dancers getting ready to perform down in Vegetables Square last Sunday. I always enjoy them, while feeling rather sorry for them sweltering in their heavy folk costumes.

In both the UK and Spain, one of the two major parties is going through convulsions because of a lack of faith in its leader. The difference is that in Spain the PP party is in opposition. Whereas in the UK, the More-Old-than-New Labour Party is in government. Be that as it may, both bits of political theatre are fascinating to watch. There’s nothing as treacherous as a politician facing loss of tenure. Or sinecure, in many cases. I suspect neither Sr Rajoy nor Mr Brown will lead his party into the next elections. Which are in 2010 in the UK and 2012 here in Spain. By then, both will have retired to have the wounds in their backs attended to. In Mr Brown’s case, there’ll be a place for him in the Ken Livingstone Home for Retired Marxists and Socialists. Back in the present, the most intriguing difference between the British and Spanish scenes is that UK voters clearly blame the government for the mess the country is now in, whereas in Spain Sr Zapatero managed to get back in power only two months ago by convincing the electorate that nothing bad about the country had anything to do with him. Though, as I reported last week, 62% of them now say they believe he lied to them. And 100% of the cabinet are said to believe that more than 40% of the Spanish are very gullible.

Talking of the UK and Spain. A TV documentary here has suggested that, in order to burnish the image of his regime, Franco fixed the 1968 Eurovision song contest so that the Spanish entry La, La, La would take the laurels. As this cost the Blessed Cliff Richard first spot, I suspect this revelation will reduce to nil Spain’s chances of getting Gibraltar back.

And still on the UK and Spain . . . There’s an old joke which centres on a trio of English, American and French lawyers encapsulating in one phrase the basic principle underlying their respective jurisprudential systems. Recently, I’ve been trying – not altogether seriously - to do the same with British and Spanish societies as a whole. What I’ve come with so far are The Rule of Law for the former and Live and Let Live, for the latter. The difference between these is that the first is a principle which affects society from the top down and which is general in its application, with overtones of obligation. The second does this from the bottom up, is individual is its application and has overtones of personal volition. Or that’s how it seems to me, at least. But, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it could well be rubbish.

Austrians are suffering image problems at the moment but I met a nice one in Pontevedra’s old quarter a week or so ago. Over a beer, I told him one of my remaining aspirations was to visit Samarkand, in Uzbekistan. He said he’d been discussing exactly that with a Persian chap he’d met while doing the Camino only a couple of days previously. So, if there’s anyone else out there who’d like to go, perhaps we can form a tour group. See Samarkand and Die, perhaps. For those havering, here’s some facts:-

Finally, here’s a fascinating article on stupid Anglo attitudes towards Russia for my regular reader and commentator, Moscow. It will be interesting – to me at least – to hear how much he agrees with it, even though the issue has nowt to do with Spain. To compensate, here’s an article from the same magazine calling for a ‘grown up debate’ on prostitution. Which is something, I fear, even a majority of females in the Spanish cabinet is not going to secure for us.

The British media - or the BBC at least - seems to be excessively interested in current developments in Zimbabwe. It’s been the major item on the news for the last 2 or 3 nights and was allocated a good 15 or 20 minutes last night. I'm sure this is in stark contrast to news bulletins in, say, Spain or the USA. But I guess the Spanish media also pays disproportionate attention to events in its ex-colonies in South America. And I imagine Algeria features quite regularly on French TV. Of course the [ex]colony which figures most large in the Spanish media is Gibraltar. I exaggerate, needless to say.

I had occasion today to visit the offices of the local council. There were 14 client desks, about 10 of which were open. But only 3 or 4 of these were dealing with the public, while the occupants of the remaining desks were chatting away amongst themselves, in total disregard of the queue. Government employees all over the world display these attitudes of course and Spain is certainly no exception. So, really, I felt quite at home - the only problem being that I’d failed to adopt my Spanish strategy of bringing a book with me. Forty minutes of my life wasted.

The reason for going to the office was to appeal a 70 pound[100 euro] penalty imposed because my mother had not renewed her disabled badge a month ago. The traffic warden - dressed in his natty quasi-military uniform - broke off photographing my [Spanish-plated] car to explain the penalty and to profess he wouldn’t have imposed it if we’d arrived two minutes earlier and he’d seen my mother. They had to be strict, he insisted, because of the high levels of fraud. Anyway, the appeal was lodged but I was given every reason to believe it was likely to fail, even though it is me who technically committed the offence and they know I live in Spain. And I know that, even if I ignore any letter that’s sent to me, my mother will pay the fine. Quite how fining a forgetful 83 year old lady helps eradicate fraud is beyond me. But I guess it makes sense to someone. I guess someone has to pay for the traffic warden. And his uniform. And camera.

As my mother receives all her income from the government, the fine will effectively be paid by the British state to itself. This, of course, is the sort of thing that’s inevitable when the state doles out so much of its citizens’ income and then has to impose draconian measures to deal with the fraud that arises when people realise they can get something for nothing. Or quite a lot, really. Orwell possibly had something to say about this.

Talking of uniforms - A British government minister was pictured yesterday walking through her London constituency in a stab-proof jacket. Which says a great deal about life in the UK, I guess. In addition, she was surrounded by a phalanx of policemen and policewomen, all dressed in what is now the traditional garb of the British bobby - bullet proof jacket, handcuffs, radio, truncheon, etc. etc. In fact, they’re so togged up they look more like Mr Blobby than Mr Bobby. And are almost as comic in appearance.

Talking of British society - It was announced today that 25% of kids here live with a single parent. Perhaps the breakdown of the traditional family has something to do with the violence on the streets that everyone here is so conscious of.

But to end on a lighter note - I do hope the person who arrived at my blog yesterday searching for information on fried chicken wholesale in Spain found what he or she was looking for. It makes a change from throwing donkeys off church towers in Spain.

People in glass houses? Accused by Spain of being an uncooperative haven for the uncountable rogues who populate the Costa del Sol, Gibraltar has hit back with the comment that "In fact, Gibraltar has a much better record in relation to the regulation of financial services than Spain itself. . . It is a peculiar way to seek to increase co-operation on such matters. This is not the way to obtain Gibraltar's goodwill and continued co-operation. . . It is, in fact, Spain that appears to be in default of EU obligations on moneylaundering." So . . . Who to believe? Both? Neither? A plague on both houses?

An organisation for deaf people in the UK has argued that being deaf is not to suffer any form of incapacity. Rather, it’s simply a matter of having a different culture from a hearing person. As a columnist has said, this argument takes the mantra of equal opportunities to what might appear to be its natural, extremely mad conclusion: to be disabled is thought to be a right, when in fact it is a sad effect of bad luck and genetic aberration. But I guess - if a choice has to be made - this is better than treating them as idiots and/or outcasts.

Here’s something to make all unhappily married folk ponder a little on their options for the fuure - The rate of divorce between British lawyers specialising in divorce is remarkably low. Perhaps they know something we know too; using lawyers can only make a bad situation even worse. Almost any other option is better. Including 20 years for murder, I suspect. Or maybe just 10 for ‘a crime of passion.’ Trust me; I’m an ex lawyer. And twice divorced. Better to pay someone to jump into bed with your wife before you polish her off in a fit of simulated pique. At least you’ll then have to deal with a better class of vultures.

Good to read that the EU thinks that, although Spain remains below the European average for access, consumers are now benefitting from increased competition in the sector, with cheaper prices and an easier process to change operator. Time to test things out? Probably not.

Quotes of the Week

Most Eurosceptics want Europe to be reformed, not destroyed. However much this may annoy the Eurofanatics, they are the "good Europeans" who have Europe's long-term interest at heart. No political society survives without trust. British voters believe that they have been deceived about the Lisbon treaty, a promise has been broken, and the breach justified by lies. If the EU cannot trust the people, the people cannot trust the EU.
William Rees-Mogg, Times columnist

The lost status of Good Friday is indicated by the comically misconceived sentence, sometimes heard on television: "Have a very Good Friday.
Daily Telegraph leader today. God help us!

Galicia Facts

There are a lot of wild horses in Galicia’s mountain forests. So, if you’re planning to drive here at any time, you might want to contemplate the picture in the link below. The advice/warning given is at least equally applicable here. And, at certain times of the year, there’d probably be a foal in the passenger seat as well. Sorry about the absence of a direct link but my daughter's Mac has a mind of its own.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/
03/20/nhorse120.xml
Be sure to close any gap between 2008/ and 03

Leeds Facts

We have a forecast of snow and freezing winds today. Happy Easter!

Another gentle trip to Santander. The inevitable new motorway bit this time was a stretch of the A8 between Vilalba and the A6, near Lugo.

This may not be a long post. I'm sitting in front of a screen which is flickering so much I'll probably have an epileptic fit before my half hour is up.

A radio discussion this morning suggested 1.5m Spaniards [3% of the population] are asexual. If true, there must be numerous reasons why people would not be interested in sex. But I doubt that one of them is that Spain is still teeming with nuns. As for the priests . . . tradition has it that these have never been asexual in Spain.

The Spanish government has asked for Gibraltar to go back on the black list of fiscal havens, as it isn't helping with the prosecution of criminals on the Costa del Sol. This is bad, of course, but I wonder whether next-door Andora is any more cooperative.

Galicia Facts

You'll all be asking whether the Indian restaurant in Pontevedra has a no-smoking secion. Well . . . No.

I referred recently to the export of boats. It turns out that there are yards all long the coast and not, as I thought, just in Ferrol. Even Pontevedra [alright, Marin] has a few. I know this because the owner of one has just been arrested for having a 40 metre luxury yacht that is not compatible with his declared income and assets. As the local paper reported, some of these guys just can't resist showing off.

My eve-of-deaparture squid and Albariño were rather disturbed by the noise of one of the first processions of Holy Week. But, truth to tell, I've enjoyed religious demonstrations in Muslim, Hindu and Catholic countries and all of them fascinate me. Mostly because of the theatre and the spectacle. But there's also the spur to human creativity they provide.

Must finish and check for printer developments . . .

President Zapatero has again waved his magic wand and assured us his next administration will create 1.2 million jobs for women and ensure that women all have equal pay with men before he quits the political stage. By the end of February, I expect he’ll have guaranteed to stop global warming in at least Spain within the next four years. Thank God he’s not falling into the trap of being over ambitious.

Meanwhile, I wonder what his policy is to deal with such trivia as the very low levels of the country’s reservoirs after four years of drought. Does his government plan to curb Spanish profligacy? I guess we’ll never know. Or not until after March at least.

Spanish-English confusion: Reports about criminals in Spain sometimes say someone has been given the ‘third grade’ in prison. This appears to means relatively soft treatment and it’s usually granted to the country’s legions of practitioners of financial skulduggery. In English, of course, the ‘third degree’ means torture. Quite a difference.

Spanish-Spanish confusion: There’s been a ship lying on a sand bank south of Gibraltar for months now. Recently it broke up, resulting in blobs of oil on a Spanish beach. Some blamed the British government for ignoring the risk and others fingered their Spanish counterpart. Friends of the Earth said a plague on both houses. Anxious to ensure the Brits copped ultimate culpability, Spain’s Environment Minister claimed the ship had sunk in Gibraltar waters. What a mistake! As this effectively extended British territory out into the Med, the Spanish Foreign Minister immediately corrected her and insisted it had gone down in Spanish waters. No doubt some lawyers will clear it all up in due course. Though not on the beach.

You couldn’t make it up – In a village down in Málaga province, Brits and Germans who were cheated by estate agents, lawyers and town hall officials and, as a result, now live in illegal houses facing demolition have been told they can legitimate their properties by paying a ‘voluntary tax’ of between €6,000 and 12,000. Doesn’t anyone in Spain worry about the country’s international reputation? And is it any wonder that property sales in the south are now reported to be close to nil?

The Madrid-Barcelona high speed train [the AVE] is about to start up. True, this is 6 or 8 years late but, for Brits without anything resembling Spain’s impressive network and, worse, still suffering from the rail mess New Labour promised to sort out 11 years ago, this is not something to be critical of. To say the least.

Finally - My death-defying zebra crossing experiences possibly reached their apogee yesterday. In slow-moving traffic, a car stopped right on the crossing, blocking my way. When I registered mild protest via a facial expression, the driver went into aggressive hysterics at the wheel. And after I’d finally crossed behind him, he opened the window and shouted something about me needing to wait for him to do whatever he liked. Admittedly by this time I’d hit the back of his car with a rolled up magazine but I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a heart attack further down the road. In fact, I hope he had a heart attack further down the road. Vindictive? Moi?

Spain has a couple of small territories in North Africa, Ceuta and Melilla. The Spanish have no difficulty in distinguishing between these ‘enclaves’ and the ‘anachronistic colony’ of Gibraltar, though the rest of the world possibly finds this a rather tougher task. Anyway, the government of Morocco – which claims both territories – has acted rather negatively to an imminent visit by the Spanish monarchs and has temporarily recalled its ambassador from Madrid. The Spanish press has criticised this gesture even though it’s remarkably slight compared to how Spain used to act over Gibraltar. For what it’s worth, I agree with the view that the people of these places should have the choice on which state they belong to. As with Scotland. And Galicia . . .

The Formula 1 saga surely brought no credit to any of its key participants. So no one can be much surprised to see Alonso departing for another team and Hamilton emigrating to Switzerland ‘to escape the British tabloids.’ Personally, I’m rather more interested in what Carrefour are going to do with the huge model McLaren car they’re promoting in our local hypermarket. This features both drivers on the box and I had wondered whether Carrefour shouldn’t black out the much-hated Hamilton’s photo if they wanted to shift large quantities ahead of Xmas. But, now that Alonso has quit the team, there’s surely a case for obliterating both images.

Incidentally, McLaren are reported to have said they’ll sue Alonso if he doesn’t keep his gob shut about the team. Fat chance. Keeping his opinions to himself is not this young man’s speciality. He is after all . . . Asturian.

Another of those conversations, this time on the phone . . .
Hello. Is that the Secretary of the Philharmonic Society?
No.
Sorry. I must have the wrong number. Is this 986 XXX XXX?
Yes it is.
Oh. I’m confused as it was given on the Xunta’s web page as a number for the society.
I used to be President.
In that case, can you tell me how to become a member?
You have to attend a concert and get a form.
Can you tell me when the next concert is?
No. You’ll have to look in the newspaper.
Thanks.

And a British couple getting ready to drive off the boat at Santander . . .
Her: Who’s driving, you or me?
Him: I don’t mind.
Her: No, you decide. [Slight pause] No, I think I’d rather you navigate. Is that alright with you?
Him: Yes.
Her: Now, have you got the right maps?

It was another gloriously sunny day yesterday and I took myself off to a fiesta in one of the little villages in the hills. As this is called O Campo, or The Field/Countryside, you can imagine where the first set of directions sent me. Luckily, I met a more knowledgeable local policeman before I’d gone too far into the back of beyond. The fiesta turned out to the usual mixture of stalls, though I was rather taken by the wild boar on a spit waiting to be roasted, complete with a banana in its mouth. But most appealing was a little display of local costumes, musical instruments and artefacts. As ever, I was left with a strong conviction it was totally legitimate to spend public funds on promoting Galician culture and language. Though without making the latter compulsive, either de jure or de facto. Others are uncomfortable with this ambivalence but I’ve lived too long to give up on my libertine instincts. Incidentally, I’d be interested to know why rapaz means lad/young person in Gallego and Portuguese. Especially as it means rapacious in Spanish. In this case, at least, it’s Spanish which is closer to the original Latin. You may think this is hardly important but, believe me, when you’re trying to demonstrate the superiority of Portuguese and/or Gallego over ‘Castellano’, it really is.

Relatedly, the Voz de Galicia reports that the state of Gallego amongst young people is better than it’s been for a long time. I’d realised this a few days ago when the son of my Gallego-averse neighbours asked me in the garden Que fas?, instead of Que haces?

Back to less ethereal matters – The council of La Coruña has announced it will ban the weekend botellón from residential areas from January next. This will surely comfort the city’s residents but hardly addresses the key issue of illegal street drinking. Continuing on the theme of juvenile excess, I was surprised to read in yesterday’s El Mundo that Spain now leads Europe in the number of pregnancies among minors. This was 23,000 last year, resulting in 10,000 abortions. I had thought this dubious honour belonged to the UK.

Finally, someone needs to take to task the New York Times for an article which discusses the origins of Christopher Columbus without even hinting at his true place of birth – right here in Poio, across the river from Pontevedra. Ignorant damn Yanquis. Not to be confused with yonquis.

Like Mr Brown in the UK, Mr Zapatero is talking and acting as if he fears he’s gone too far in devolving power to the regions, leading to the weakening of national bonds. Previously, of course, this was a concern only of right-of-centre politicians. Or ‘fascists’ as they’re called in Spain. Of course, it’s no coincidence there’s a general election around the corner in Spain. And there might be in the UK too. Time to wrap the cloak of Britishness or Spanishness around oneself.

One of the accusations regularly made in Spain against Gibraltar is that it’s a financial cess-pit and so a cancer on the Iberian body. A bit ironic, then, to read yesterday that Spain is now the country of choice for the Colombian drug barons when it comes to laundering their ill-gotten cash. One wonders why. Perhaps it has something to do with lax application of EU regulations. Which would make it a large glass house.

To be more positive, time again to express my admiration for the internationalism of Spain’s serious press. In the last week, they’ve run obituaries not only on the doyen of the British press, Bill Deedes, but also on ‘Mr Manchester’, Tony Wilson.

I’ve discovered there’s a fine web site giving details of all of Galicia’s numerous festivals. I’d cite it here but I’m a bit concerned the most prominent and numerous ads on the home page are for male and female whores. I suppose it is possible to define fiesta/party quite widely. At least here in Spain.

Another of those regular social surveys suggests 30% of Spaniards don’t think the Sunday obligation is enough as they spend their entire vacation month with ‘family and friends’. And 58% of Spaniards avoid discussing politics within this same group, as they don’t want people falling out with each other. I imagine, though, that the other 42% more than make up for this reluctance on the part of the majority. In Galicia, they probably lay off the subject of [scarce] land so as to avoid mass sibling slaughter.

Resident Sarkozy is reported to be introducing a law giving convicted paedophiles the choice between chemical castration or the rest of their lives in a special hospital/prison. He may not succeed, of course, but, if he does, I for one will be left wondering why this doesn’t infringe EU/International Human Rights laws in France, when it clearly would in the UK.

Finally, for a sensible comment on the madness of the bloated, over-moneyed British Premier League, click here. How long will it take, one wonders, before technology is used to stop the nonsense that follows every controversial referee decision.

The road fatalities in Galicia this month are at least as bad as elsewhere and this is the main item of concern for the Voz de Galicia today. In fact, it has a nice cartoon – in Gallego – showing side-by-side pictures of What used to be left at the side of the road in summer – a dog. And What is now left at the side of the road in summer – a brain.

I read the Voz in a café on the way back from the airport, when taking a 10.45 coffee. The three men on my left at the bar ordered brandies but the wimp on my right could only manage a glass of Rioja. Of course, all the former were served in quantities 3 to 5 times larger than the standard British measure. I can’t help but wonder if there could be any link between this sort of breakfast and the road death statistics.

Listening to the radio on the way back to Pontevedra, I learned a lot about tattooing. For instance, it takes 10 sessions of 5 hours each to give you a complicated shoulder tattoo in various colours. To get rid of it would take at least 3 times longer and be prohibitively expensive, given that removing a 10cm square single-colour tattoo would cost 3,000 euros and need 12 to 18 months. But, as these are lifestyle choices and one can’t deny anyone their Human Right to be stupid and self-centred, I suspect you can get all this done free on the NHS in the UK. But, if not, it surely won’t be long before you can.

My daughter yesterday called Telefonica but unwittingly pressed the key which opted for Gallego. So the employee naturally answered in Gallego. But, despite the fact Faye is clearly foreign and spoke only in Spanish, the employee then continued in Gallego until the end of the call. Now, although speaking in Spanish would not have been a problem, using only Gallego was surely logical; but whether one regards this as logical and reasonable, logical but unreasonable or even logical but bloody rude depends, I suppose, on where you’re standing. I guess it’s possible Telefonica only uses members of the Galician Nationalist Party for this task. But, whatever the situation, the onus certainly lies on the caller to press the right key. And to be fair to Telefonica – not usually something which bothers me – I should stress they have operators who speak perfect English. Even if they’re as ignorant as their colleagues about how the company arrives at its bills.

Ryanair has announced it’s ‘resting’ its flight to Vitoria during the winter. I guess this is what they’ll tell us about the Liverpool-Santiago route shortly.

Finally, it’s reported today that, as a holiday destination, Barcelona is cheaper than Blackpool for many British tourists. Yes, but things work in Blackpool. Even if it is the most depressing place in the British Isles. What Gibraltar is to Spain, Blackpool is to the UK perhaps. Or, as an American friend used to say, the manure-shoot. Which is not to say it isn’t full of lovely people.

Over at Notes in Spain, young Ben Curtis expresses his dismay and disgust at how he found Gibraltar to be on his recent visit there. I recall experiencing the very same sentiments about 25 years ago. He thinks its salvation lies in being absorbed into Spain and I agree. And so does the British government, as it has done for decades. Unfortunately, neither the feisty inhabitants nor the sensationalist British tabloid press agree. But that’s democracy for you.

Talking about other bits of the Iberian peninsula, I sometimes get the impression the Spanish regard Portugal as very like Britain, only even duller. They may be right. I had thought the UK’s tabloid press was the worst in the world but I now read that Portugal’s Diario de Noticias is alleging the police there are convinced that the McCanns and their friends are all implicated in the death of Madeleine, the 4 year old who disappeared in the Algarve a few weeks ago. The evidence is said to be phone intercepts between them. I suppose anything is possible but I suspect even the most scurrilous elements of the British yellow press would baulk at this. Perhaps it’s revenge for the allegations in the UK that the Portuguese police have been incompetent throughout the investigation. The feelings of the McCanns apparently counting for nothing.

Talking of the UK, it’s reported this morning that “A homeowner has been arrested and questioned by police after an intruder he confronted during an alleged burglary fell out of a fourth floor window. Officers arrested the 56-year-old occupant of the flat on suspicion of causing grievous bodily harm with intent”. As no one witnessed the incident and the burglar is unconscious, one wonders at the thought processes of the police. Not to mention their basic attitudes. But it’s long been established in the UK there’s little you can do to a burglar that doesn’t infringe his human rights. Possibly you can, with impunity, give him a good tongue lashing. But that’s about it. And, if he’s very sensitive, even this might land you in court. Burglary rates, of course, increase annually.

According to a report from the European Commission, the price hikes in Spanish bars and restaurants when the Euro was introduced were higher than anywhere else in Europe. Prices are said to have risen 40% since the end of ’98. I’ve always assumed the owners saw it as too good an opportunity to miss, given that fierce competition in an over-supplied market normally tends to keep both prices and profits down. Hard to blame them if the customers kept coming. As we did. And do.

Down in New Zealand, a couple were refused registration of their son’s name as 4Real. So they compensated by calling him Superman instead. They’d have had a tougher time in Spain. Here, I believe, names can be rejected if they’re unusual or not indicative of gender. Though I suppose their final choice met the second requirement.

Although I saw it in Japan 15 years ago, I had thought recycling was relatively new to Europe. But I read last night it was enforced in Nazi Germany in the 1930s, as part of the strategy of making the country self-sufficient ahead of Hitler’s planned military escapades. It was rigorously enforced and it’s possible you faced execution for putting things in the wrong container. Such a policy would at least decimate my neighbourhood, where a certain amount of confusion seems to reign. Though I guess it could be another example of Spanish aversion to rules.

Reflecting on the past week in French politics, President Zapatero congratulated the presidential candidates on their graciousness toward each other. As one of them had just predicted the rivers of France would run with blood if the other were elected, one can only assume Mr Z watches different news programs from the rest of us. Mind you, given the relentlessly confrontational nature of Spanish politics, one can understand a degree of envy on his part.

Just in case you didn’t know, there are at least 8 languages spoken in Spain – Spanish, Euskera [Basque], Catalan, Gallego [Galician], Asturian, Valencian, Leonese and Aragonese. However, some would argue it’d be hard to slip a cigarette paper between some of these. And others would deny they’re spoken ‘in Spain’ as their ‘nation’ is not part of this specious entity. More reasons to be sympathetic to poor Mr Z.

A cartoon in yesterday’s El Mundo depicted Spain as the UK, with the Basque Country labelled ‘Scotland’. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of the situation, of course, but a common one here in Spain. Reality was underlined yesterday when the Liberal Party refused to enter a coalition with the Scottish Nationalist Party unless it dropped its plan for a referendum on independence. So, the SNP may not enjoy a long day in the sun. On the other hand, politics is a rum business. Vamos a ver.

El Mundo continues to allow its more gullible readers to be defrauded by the sellers of ludicrous slimming products, though never the same one two weeks running. Yesterday’s example was for something which not only allows you to lose all the weight you want but guarantees you’ll never put any of it back on again. Plus you can get a 20% discount off the [unstated] price if you immediately call the premium rate number. Where are the consumers’ organisations in all this?

I’ve decided to delay my compilation of posts on Galician Nationalism and, instead, have opted for a shorter and non-controversial subject – GIBRALTAR . . .

2004

I don’t suppose today’s announcement that Spain will seek to vitiate the upcoming European elections in not only Gibraltar but also the UK is entirely unconnected with March’s general election.

The Spanish government professes to be very annoyed by events in Gibraltar. If he is to be believed, the new President - Mr Zapatero – has not been irritated by anything in his first few months in office to match the ‘triple insult’ of sending Princess Anne, a nuclear submarine and the Secretary of Defence to participate in the celebrations around the 300^th anniversary of the taking of the Rock by Britain. It’s very hard – nay, impossible – to convince anyone Spanish that the UK Foreign Office has been trying for decades to get rid of Gibraltar and that British governments of any stamp would be only too pleased to see the back of it. What is required is not so much quiet as silent diplomacy. The mistake Spain makes – and will go on making – is to mark its annoyance with some futile gesture - such as temporarily closing the border - which allows the scabrous UK tabloid press to bring out the mob under the banner of patriotism. That’s a lot of voters for any Prime Minister to worry about. Can’t see things changing for decades, myself. Spanish voters demand provocative actions and UK voters demand insulting responses.

Well, it’s nice to see El Mundo agreeing with me about the government’s rather hysterical response to the celebrations in Gibraltar. As the editorial writer concludes, all the high-blown nonsense makes one nostalgic for the days of No Comment.

There was a nice article on the Gibraltar issue on one of the local papers today, with a UK-tabloid-style ‘8 Things You Need to Know about Gibraltar’. I was most interested in Q8: “Is there any difference between Gibraltar and [the Spanish North African enclaves of] Ceuta and Melilla?” Answer: “Yes, there is. Ceuta and Melilla were never Moroccan. Ceuta has been Spanish since 1415 and Melilla since 1497. However, Morocco cites the doctrine of geographic unity and the contiguousness of states, which disfavours the permanence of the enclaves of said cities.” So, that’s alright then. What used to be ours is ours and what used to be – at least as far as we are concerned - nobody’s remains ours. Stuff Morocco.

Today’s Daily Telegraph rather points up the accuracy of a point I made recently, viz. that British governments would love to get shut of Gibraltar. It turns out that the Heath [Conservative] government of 1973 believed that one of the advantages of joining Europe would be that this eternal problem could be quietly solved. It seems they underestimated the unholy alliance of the pesky Gibraltarians and the British tabloid press.

There was a surprisingly constructive article about Gibraltar in El Mundo today, though I was confused by the author’s description of Sir/St. Thomas More [author, of course, of Utopia] as an ‘English moor’. In other words, an English Arab. There is clearly some confusion here. Either I am not understanding some subtlety in the article or the writer is way off beam.

The Gibraltar row rumbles on, with the new President showing more and more signs of the populism than brought him to power in May. And less and less of the statesmanship that is required. I have yet to see any Spanish commentator – and there have been numerous articles in the national and local press over the past few days – show the slightest awareness of the UK government’s real position and of the problems it has in disposing of Gibraltar. Nor does anyone Spanish ever pose – let alone answer – the question of why the people of Gibraltar should be keen to join Spain when they can see two key regions – Catalunia and the Basque country – doing their utmost to break away from it. I mean, if the UK government is prepared to give away Northern Ireland, can anyone seriously believe that it wants to keep hold of Gibraltar. I think I will write to El Mundo.

I see in the British press that the previous Spanish government was one of the many parties – including Mrs Thatcher’s son – who were involved in the Equatorial Guinea imbroglio. Strangely enough, I haven’t seen anything about this in the Spanish press as yet. Neither have I read anything about the measures being taken to reduce the heat over Gibraltar, such as the lifting of the ban on cruise ships visiting Spanish ports if they have stopped over at The Rock. Not many votes in silent diplomacy, I suppose.

The Spanish President has announced that Tony Blair has personally assured him that negotiations on the handover of Gibraltar will restart within the next few months. Obviously, Mr Zapatero is unfamiliar with the names and disappointments of Roy Jenkins, Paddy Ashdown and Britain in Europe, to name but a few.

Having read my blogs on this subject, the Spanish government has decided to drastically revise its strategy towards Gibraltar. After spending its first few months in power on a soap box, making belligerent but totally unproductive statements about British provocation, it has now switched to a policy of shelving the issue of sovereignty, while soft-soaping the Gibralterians. They’ll start by removing the petty restrictions on their mobility which helped to make them such intransigent opponents of the failed discussions on joint sovereignty of two years ago. Ah, the power of the fifth estate

Common sense over Gibraltar appears to be breaking out all over the place. Today’s El Pais welcomes the new conciliatory approach of the Spanish government, whilst continuing to see a British colony in Europe as an unacceptable anomaly. Naturally, it makes no mention of Spain’s two North African [“non”]colonies. Going one better, a columnist in the Voz de Galicia suggests that this is the first sensible thing done by a Spanish government vis-à-vis Gibraltar in several decades. He, too, has obviously been reading my blog.

Gibraltar has decided to follow the example of Catalunia and seek separate ‘national’ status in the world federation of ‘hockey on skates’, whatever that is. Needless to say, this has sent the Spanish government into a paroxysm of fury as it is already trying to get the Catalunia decision reversed. If this process of separate identification continues - as it surely will - within a hundred years every little hamlet in Europe will be a satrapy of Rome. Sorry, Brussels.

Yesterday saw the successful first meeting of the new tripartite Forum focused on the eternal problem of Gibraltar. Hard as it is to believe, the participants dealt with day-to-day issues such as access to the airport which the Brits illegally built in the buffer zone. And not on ethereal questions as to who’ll have sovereignty and how this will be defined.

Good to see that common sense continues to prevail in the tripartite discussions over Gibraltar, with the colony being given a right of veto over any proposed developments. Despite this being a reflection of reality, the President of the PP [Conservative] party has reacted with apoplexy to what he seems to consider an act of treason. No wonder nil progress was made under the last government, despite the British Foreign Office’s long-standing desperation to get shut of the place.

2005

This week a British nuclear submarine limped into Gibraltar for repairs. If a similar French sub had called into nearby Bordeaux, we would never have heard a thing. But, this being a British colony ‘quite different’ from the bits of Spain in North Africa, all hell has broken loose once again. The Gibralterians are furious because the British government told the Spanish government in advance more than they advised them. The Spanish media is up in arms because they were told nothing by Madrid and now want answers to questions such as “Is it a genuine breakdown?” and “Are we all going to be blown to smithereens?” And the Spanish government is incensed because its commendable softly-softly approach to the eternal problem of Gibraltar has gone awry and it now stands accused of being naïve in the face of more perfidy from Albion. Its less-than-brilliant response has been to refuse to answer questions but to say they now believe the British government might have been lying about the extent of the damage so they are considering asking the Spanish secret service to investigate matters. Quite how this will help matters is anyone’s guess.

The good news is that some Spanish commentators see this for the nonsense it is. But imagine what it would be like if Spain had a real tabloid press.

Good to see that the Gibraltar row has been downgraded to page 13 or so, after the British government gave a written undertaking to have its sub back at sea by Wednesday. Let’s hope we don’t have a nuclear holocaust before then. Meanwhile, the Galician Nationalist Party have demanded that the government insist that British nuclear submarines refrain from sailing anywhere near the north west coast. Doubtless they’ll be asking the same thing of the French, the Russians and the Americans.

Several prominent lawyers and public notaries have been arrested in Marbella, for laundering criminal money on an almost unimaginable scale. Given the saga of the infamous late mayor of the place, Jesus Gil, this development can hardly have come as much of a surprise to anyone. Nonetheless, one Spanish newspaper managed to make it all sound like the fault of Gibraltar for being a fiscal paradise which entices Spaniards into dishonesty.

Gibraltar continues to feature in newspaper articles about corruption on the south coast. A well-known Anglo-Spanish journalist – Tom Burns Marañón – has expressed doubts that the place is as guilty as charged but added the rider that he doesn’t expect to convince any readers, as Spanish political correctness demands that The Rock is seen as a den of thieves. Given the daily headlines of malfeasance on the part of senior businessmen and politicians in Spain itself, this obsession with financial skulduggery in Gibraltar certainly can strike one as rather odd. I would guess that Switzerland is far more deserving of the accusations but this, of course, wouldn’t butter any electoral parsnips in Spain.

Spain is again complaining to Brussels about activities in Gibraltar; this time because people there are allowed to vote in EU elections even though [unlike, of course, people in Ceuta and Melilla] they are mere ‘colonists’. As someone has noted, Spain may well have a good case on this but it would be nice if they could come to court with ‘clean hands’. As it is, they have a long record of completely ignoring Brussels’ rulings about their practice of arbitrarily closing the border and banning cruise ships from Spanish ports. But, of course, in Spain all rules are for other people.

Graduates from the same school of diplomacy as the Prince of Monaco are now ripping up their diplomas with alacrity. Last week he ‘torpedoed Spain’s chances’ of the 2012 Olympics by raising the contentious issue of ETA bombs at the final meeting of the IOC. But, not content with this, he’s now declared his support for Gibraltar’s attempt to get a seat on the committee. Needless to say, this has provoked fury in Spain, where he’s now being portrayed as the biggest congenital idiot in a family of clowns. So imagine what would’ve happened if Spain had a real tabloid press!

A local columnists has bemoaned the demise of bullfighting in Spain, especially in the secessionist regions, where it is seen as too Spanish. The writer points the finger at rich and risk-averse bullfighters who, he says, spend more time in the pages of the gossip magazines than in the ring. But he also blames the British for planting the flag of football in Spanish soil, just as they have planted their flag on the rock of Gibraltar. It’s possible his tongue was firmly in his cheek but it’s still quite an achievement to get the Gibraltar issue into an article on bullfighting.´

Perhaps my friend Fernando in Ferrol can tell me why the streets of nearby Brión will be ‘running with British blood’ this coming weekend. And why people will be racing around dressed as Brits ‘smelling of sulphur, with 2 horns in the front and a tail behind’. I doubt it has anything to do with Gibraltar but you never know.

Aragon is the latest region [or ‘Autonomous Community’] to demand that its ‘historical rights’ be included in a new statute of cohabitation with the Spanish state. At this rate, by the time the Gibraltarians are ready to join Spain, there won’t be much of it left.

I read today the following comment from a British MP about Gibraltar. “For many in this government, jettisoning Gibraltar is an end in itself. If Madrid happens to put something on the table in return, fine. But one feels Labour would still seek to withdraw from the Rock, even if they had to pay Madrid to take it.” Only local resolve and the British tabloids stand in the way, it seems. These, of course, grow in direct response to noises from any Spanish government which courts domestic favour by playing the Gib card.

There’ve been a couple of comments about Spain’s African enclaves and Gibraltar. For what it’s worth, my own view is that history is irrelevant; that there’s no sustainable argument that differentiates between these three places; that all of them should belong to the lands with which they are contiguous; but that, in this day and age, this can’t be done until a majority of the local citizens agree. Likewise Northern Ireland.

There was much talk of solidarity at the Trafalgar commemoration on Thursday. But, as one of the national papers stressed, the Minister of Defence’s speech looked rather more towards future battles – with the Catalans and Basques – than towards those of the past. And I couldn’t help noticing that, despite all the talk of European fraternal friendship, the Spanish government felt obliged to demand that the British ships involved didn’t stop over in Gibraltar after the event. I guess that would have been too much like the real thing.

2006

I see the northern Italian region of Alto Adigio has sought the ‘protection and tutelage’ of Austria. I wonder whether we can shortly expect to see a similar request from Catalunia in the direction of France. Or perhaps Angora. And from Celtic Galicia towards Ireland. Though I guess it’s unlikely Gibraltar will ever seek the protection and tutelage of nearby Morocco, once the British government finally achieves its aim of getting shut of the troublesome place.

Gibraltar, it seems, is back in the news, ahead of the next meeting of the forum established between the British and Spanish governments [who share the objective of Spanish sovereignty] and the prime minister of Gibraltar, who begs to differ. The British are extremely optimistic but the Spanish only ‘moderately’ so. The issues on which progress is expected include use of the airport by Spanish citizens; payment of pensions to Spaniards who have worked on the Rock; and increased availability of phone lines from Spain. You have to ask why two friendly countries who’ve been fellow members of the EU for more than 20 years are still having difficulty reaching agreement around such mundane matters. Perhaps if there’d been less vote-winning posturing from both sides things would now be much further on. Better late than never, I suppose.

I think we know now why the Spanish team were only ‘moderately optimistic’ prior to the tripartite talks over matters Gibraltarian. It seems they’re not disposed to reaching agreement over the 3 issues tabled – airport access, pensions for Spanish citizens and more phone links with Spain – until they know the final form of the new constitution being negotiated between the UK and Gibraltar. In retrospect, one wonder why the meeting went ahead in the first place.

At the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games this morning, I was intrigued to see separate teams from the Isle of Man, the Channel Islands and Jersey. Food for thought. I wonder if the Basque and Catalan nationalists would support self-determination and nation status for these tiny places. And - closer to home - for Gibraltar, which also had its own team. My guess is Yes and No. But possibly No and No.

After decades of nonsense over Gibraltar, it looks as if common sense has finally broken out between all parties. Agreement has been reached over the joint use of the airport in ‘no-man’s-land’ and now other developments around telecoms and border controls are expected to follow in its wake. It’s only been 20 years since the UK and Spain became co-members of the EU. Imagine if they were enemies.

President Zapatero was this weekend congratulated by the UK Minister for Europe for having the courage to change Spanish policy around Gibraltar. I imagine this accolade was the last thing Mr Z wanted appearing in the media at a time of trench warfare with the opposition party around how to deal with ETA terrorists.

And still on this subject - as you would expect, illegal immigrants use a thousand pretexts to justify entry into Spanish territory. But none as surreal, say the police, as a group of Algerians who landed from a raft in one of the north African enclaves and claimed they were British citizens who’d left their papers in their hotel. In Gibraltar, presumably.

So, Gibraltar is to become a member of UEFA and will play in tournaments such as the European Cup. I don’t think one has to be Spanish to regard this development as quite ridiculous. However, I’m now looking forward to being the ageing coach of the Wirral Peninsula international team in about 15 years time.

It’s reported today that new evidence shows the last Neanderthals lived in Gibraltar 8,000 years ago. This confused me a little as I could swear there were still some there when I last went about 25 years ago. Maybe they were just Brits on holiday.

Well, after decades of stupidity, it’s good to see a common sense solution has finally emerged on the thorny issue of Gibraltar. Praise must surely go to the government of Mr Zapatero for accepting the problem of sovereignty wasn’t going to be resolved against the wishes of the inhabitants and that an interim agreement would be of most benefit to Spain. In particular to those Andalucians who work in or live near the colony.

Even the right-of-centre paper, El Mundo, has praised the Spanish government for its ‘pragmatism’ over Gibraltar. Even more noble – a quality much admired by the Spanish – was a letter in El Pais today which not only expressed admiration for the government but also sympathy with the Gibraltarians for hundreds of years of maltreatment at the hands of Spain, whilst offering a constant refuge for her free thinkers. Now, that really is noble.

Returning to the question of Gibraltar and the common sense/pragmatism of the Spanish government. Am I being too cynical to wonder whether the first flight from Madrid to The Rock’s airport will be full of Senegalese illegals who’ve just landed in the Canary islands? Now, that would be pragmatism!

In English, double negatives are as rare as hens’ teeth. Not so with Spanish, where they are common. Here’s a good example from one of today’s papers:- El Partido Popular pedirá explicaciones al ministro de Exteriores, y si las que éste no ofrece no son suficientes . . Meaning:- The People’s Party is to seek explanations from the Foreign Secretary and if those that the latter doesn’t offer are not sufficient . . . No wonder it took 37 years to get agreement over Gibraltar.

After nine years of petitioning and several court cases, Uefa has finally accepted the Gibraltar Football Association as a provisional member. A decision will be taken on whether to admit it as a full member at Uefa's congress next month. But the outcome is all too predictable. The English football authorities have offered no support to this bid and Spain - conscious of a bad precedent for its would-be breakaway ‘nations’ - can be guaranteed to trample it underfoot.