I went back to the café last night to see if my umbrella had been put back. Naturally it hadn’t. A man came in with his wife and I couldn’t help noticing that his umbrella was identical to mine. After we exchanged glances – very loaded in my case – he sat for half an hour with the umbrella cradled between his knees. I mean, who sits holding an umbrella when they are having a coffee? My suspicions were confirmed but there was nothing I could do if he didn’t put it in the tray by the door. And he didn’t. I shall return!

Spain has at least two daily, national newspapers dedicated entirely to sport. Well, I say ‘sport’ but most of their pages are devoted to football [soccer], with the also-ran sports getting a brief look-in towards the back. These papers provide tremendous analysis of football matches in particular, including no-holds-barred ratings of each player’s performance. Reading these recently, I have noticed two words cropping up regularly, usually in articles about which mega-star Real Madrid are going to try to poach next, after Beckham. The first is ‘crack’ but as a noun, not an adjective. So ‘un crack’ is a star player. The other word is ‘galactico’, which speaks for itself and seems to mean much the same thing. Or possibly mega-star.

The other word which jumps out from these reports is ‘Mister’. This is what trainers [or coaches] appear to be called in Spain, especially by the players. So, really it is ‘Meester’. I suspect the Spanish think it is equivalent to Sir, as in Manchester United’s Sir Alex Ferguson.

I saw Prince Charles’ Christmas card on Sky News today. Since this has him facing us with his two sons more or less lying on top of him, this will be proof positive to the Spanish that he is gay. They already believed the rumours but now they will be convinced!