Wordwatch Special
A visiting friend from the USA has showed me 2 packets of toothpaste bought here in Pontevedra. Both come from China and, cheap shot as it is, I can’t resist reproducing the package copy here.

The first product is called MORNING BABY and is touted as EXCEED STRONG. FIRMLY TOOTH. TONE CLEANLILY. And INCREASE 120g. The rest of the pack is fairly normal.

But the biscuit is comprehensively taken by the second product. This is called YIMEI – SWIPE OFF BE SOILED SMOKERS’ TOOTHPASTE. And it Safely removes Fleetness tobacco stains. But this is only a foretaste, albeit one which shows greater familiarity with the possessive apostrophe than most Brits manage. The package text merits complete reproduction and reads as follows:-

This article adoption the United States formulation. Increase the natural divide ding by the soiled vegetable can be fast. The hair is all availably superficial smoke in tooth in clearance soiled, tea soiled, coffee soiled, dental calculus…etc. Keep on the usage can make your tooth radiant and bright. Smile often open. Fluorin calcium composition. In the beautiful and white tooth at the same time. Rise the athlete tooth protect tooth for effect defends the moth. Special and natural and ice-cold mint joss-stick make your tone more delightfully fresh, more relaxed. Live composition . Fragrant type. Match the national standard GB8372. Protect the quality product. Two years (produce the date see the tube tail). It is clean to contain the deal. 105g.

I think one can safely assume that the only contact the translator has had with English has been via a dictionary or thesaurus on his or her shelf. Or perhaps the Chinese text was given to the Google computerised translation programme which has given me so many laughs in the past. A prize is offered to anyone who can come up with an insight into the concepts of dental calculus and athlete tooth.