Summer is rigidly official here. It starts on 23 June and ends on 31 August. During this period, many businesses shift to different hours. By and large, these seem to be set for the benefit of the providers rather than the customers. So, for example, my daughter’s gym has reduced its availability by 5 hours a day, making it impossible for her to use it. So she was doubly miffed to see a large sign saying ‘Enjoy our summer hours’. The sub-text, we concluded was ‘By spending more time on the beach and less working out’.

Another thing that happens in summer is that the miniscule amount of time devoted to serious TV evaporates with the sun. The kids being off school, all the early morning discussion programmes are all replaced by cartoons, films, American teenage series and endless adverts. All dubbed by the same two women and three men, regardless of the ages and roles of the actors.

If you are thinking of living in Spain, you should know that there is a good reason why Spain is considered the noisiest country in at least Europe. Apart from being ‘individualistic’, the Spanish - unlike their Portuguese neighbours – appear to have no concept of loud noise. For the most part, confined as it is to bars and restaurants, this isn’t really a problem but noisy neighbours are never fun. We have some – The Cacophonous Catalans – who seem to think they have an obligation to generate sound. This they have installed a swimming pool in their garden and this year’s speciality is 3 to 4 kids screaming in said pool, while the father sits at the side regularly shouting at them and their dog – would you believe an Old English Sheepdog – runs round the pool barking non-stop. You will not be surprised to hear that the rest of our neighbours are less than mortified that this family has forsaken the community pool for their own version. My poor daughter – who is writing her first novel – is nearly witless and is coming up with increasingly outrageous schemes to curtail the din. Watch this space. Meanwhile, suggestions welcome to colindavies@terra.es