I’ve been asked to draw some comparisons between Merseyside and Spain. So..

The most obvious similarity is that both Scouse and Spanish women look rather brown. In the former case this owes less to the sun than to the tanning salons that dot the more depressed areas of Wallasey, Birkenhead and Liverpool.

On a similar theme, the most obvious difference is that, whereas Spanish women have faces that are colour-coordinated with, say, their legs, Scouse women sport a leery orange hue above the neck. Maybe this is the cosmetic fashion. Or perhaps cigarette smoke reacts with the tanning creams.

In both places, young women display a considerable amount of flesh, especially around the midriff. However, Spanish women wisely leave this until summer, whereas Scouse women eschew coats and even jackets when the temperature is as low as 7 degrees and an icy wind is blowing through St John’s market.

Finally, both places are noisy, reflecting the ebullience of the local/national character. If you got on an EasyJet plane for Liverpool thinking it was going to Luton, you’d soon become aware of your mistake. Likewise a train from Euston to Lime Street. Spaniards probably love Liverpool. But, then, everyone tends to. Once they can understand the irreverent locals.

Well, that’s quite enough of that. And as my return to the fray has resulted in a precipitous drop in the number of hits to my blog, I’m retiring from the field for today and will return with weightier comments on life in Spain tomorrow.