A British soccer player – Jonathan Woodgate – joined Real Madrid 18 months ago and, thanks to an injury, has been on the sidelines ever since. He played his first match last night and belatedly repaid his enormous fee by scoring an own goal in the 2nd minute and being sent off in the 66th. This, I fancy, says everything you need to know about the current state of British football.

The men who did the work in my kitchen left a pile of rubble on the floor. I’ve seen this happen before in the less-developed countries of the Middle and Far East, where the maid is expected to clear up. Spain is not a less-developed country, of course, but the mess was not left for me to deal with. Here, every middle class family seems able to afford at least a cleaner – but often an all purpose cleaner/maid/cook - who comes every day. Sadly, I don’t.

Well, the first week of secondary school has passed and I haven’t heard from my inherited pupil about her intentions. I assume she’s not returning and I’m not going to be advised. Truth to tell, this is all too common in Spain, where such courtesies can be in short supply. All a reflection of the famous individualism and spontaneity, I guess.

Kate Moss actually made El Mundo today, albeit in a short [and picture-less] paragraph on page 61. Seems about right to me.

During my 5 minute fibre-intake this morning, I watched another discussion on one of the gossip programmes. As ever, there were 7 participants sitting in a semicircle but as 6 of these were talking/shouting at the same time, I couldn’t make out the topic. The audience, sitting behind the ‘celebrities’ and facing the cameras, had the air of stupefied zombies. So I guess they were no wiser than me.

I fell in with a group of Irish pipers yesterday, as you do, and was explaining the rules for crossing zebra crossings in the event you want to stay alive. This morning I read that an 86 year old was killed on one in Vigo yesterday. Sometimes it’s sad to be right. But not if you’re a father of clever daughters.