In 2 weeks’ time, the Spanish football federation will hold a conference designed to assist in eradicating racism from the sport. Right on cue, the trainer of a major team – referring to a weekend incident involving a black player – has offered us this gem - ‘The only people who spit are those who’ve just come down from the trees.’ Doubtless, he’ll now give us the usual excuse that it wasn’t a racist comment, as he didn’t intend it to be.

I’ve mentioned that - in contrast with Portugal - few Spanish TV and radio announcers seem to take the trouble to learn how to pronounce foreign names. Thus it was that yesterday I learned that the writer of The Phantom of the Opera was André Joyd Webber and that his ex-wife was Sara Breegman. My Spanish friends insist the Portuguese are better at this merely because their culture is very influenced by the British but I can see precious little evidence for this claim. When taxed, the usual argument is that Britain and Portugal have been allies for 600 or more years, ‘usually against Spain’.

There must be very few members of Opus Dei - the ‘right-wing’ Catholic organisation - in the UK. And the most prominent of these is surely Ruth Kelly, the Secretary of State for education. So, it’s a little ironic that she is currently embroiled in a massive controversy about an over-lenient policy that allows some sex offenders to work in schools. Especially ironic when none of them is a priest.

And, talking about Catholicism and sin, Sky News today told us there are about 70,000 [female] prostitutes in the UK. The number for Spain – still a Catholic country – is usually said to be around 300,000. Adjusting for population difference, this would become a comparable figure of 450,000. Or a ratio of more than 6 to 1. I am occasionally taken to task for making too many references to prostitution in Spain but, as these numbers show, it’s a hard thing to avoid. No pun intended.

I’ve finally found a café and a bar in Pontevedra which have decided to be No Smoking establishments. In fact, they’re virtually adjacent, just opposite a major school. Which surely explains their enlightened decision. The bad news is that at 1pm yesterday, the bar had but one customer. I wonder if they will hold out, supported by the kids that flood there during the long ‘midday’ break after 2pm and in the evenings to play on the pool tables. Meanwhile, I could just double their midday custom.

Prize for the Accidental Hit of the Week [so far] goes to whoever searched for ‘fat women streepers’. My guess would be someone Spanish.

Stop Press: The explanation given for the alleged racist remark reported above was he was merely talking about bad manners and meant that anyone, black or white, who spat had really just come down from the trees. Funny but I just can’t recall this analogy ever being used in respect of white folk. But maybe Spain is, as they say, different.