There’s much rejoicing today – in this household at least – that negotiations over the new Catalunian Constitution have ended. It’s certainly a good thing for Catalunia but opinions, to say the least, are divided as to whether it’s good for Spain. The Galician President says he thinks it is but, then, he’s next in line for an increase in devolved power. On the key issue of the status of Catalunia, the preamble contains this masterpiece of fudge – “The Catalan parliament, recognising the feelings and the will of the citizens of Catalunia, has defined Catalunia as a nation. This national reality has been translated in Article 2 of the Spanish Constitution, which defines Catalunia as a nationality.” If he weren’t dead, I’d suspect Lewis Carroll of having a hand in this.

Moving from this model of clarity to the divisive issue of language, I’m not entirely clear what’s been decided. But it seems that henceforth, if you live in Catalunia, you will have an obligation to learn both ‘co-official’ languages, Catalan and Spanish. I would have thought this made eminent sense as a personal decision, freely taken. But as an obligation? Is there anywhere else in the world where citizens are legally compelled to learn one language, never mind two?

To get back to sanity - The Spanish are not renowned for being animal lovers so it’s intriguing [and heart-warming, no doubt] that the TV News programs of the last few days have contained items about the confused Thames whale and the demise of the native British red squirrel at the hands [claws?] of the American grey interloper. Yes, I know whales aren’t animals but you know what I mean.

Politicians are strange folk. It goes with the turf. But in what parallel universe must someone live to be able to persuade himself he can safely run for the leadership of a major British political party when he’s regularly visiting two male prostitutes for a bit of S&M? Well, it was a major party last week. But a week, as they say, is a long time in politics and it's a minor party now.

Finally, some more wonderful Spanglish – Young Spanish women are said to fall into one of two basic groups: On the one hand we have La techno-woman, who is at ease with modern technology. And on the other, we have La mujer off-line. Who isn’t. So she won’t be reading this.