President Zapatero must be on Viagra Plus, as his magic wand gets bigger by the day. Now we’ve been assured he’ll ensure all Spanish kids can converse and do business in English within 10 years. This, it seems, will require the hiring of 20,000 native speakers from the UK and the USA for the state schools. And thousands of Spanish teachers will be sent to the UK and Ireland for courses. I hope they end up more intelligible than the woman I rented a room from once in the south of Ireland and who - I finally worked out - also gave lessons in English. But not English as we know it, Jim.

Talking of odd English – A TV program entitled Pressing catch is causing some controversy here because of its alleged malign influence on kids. My suspicion is it’s something to do with that joke sport, professional wrestling. But, really, I have no idea what pressing catch can mean. As with el spinning. Which, I was told this week, is now available under water.

If you live in Britain and sleep for just under 8 hours between 11.12pm and 6.53am, you are aligned with the statistical average. Here, the numbers are 6 hours between 1.30am and 7.30am. And that’s just the kids. Or those next door to me, at least.

On Monday evenings I chat for an hour or so with five teachers of English. As all of them are female, I replicated yesterday the survey suggesting 70% of Spanish women are happy with their bodies. The figure from my [secret] ballot was even higher, at 100%. We then discussed the article and they commented it was paradoxical that Spanish women were happy with what they had but spent far more time and money on themselves than their British counterparts to ensure they looked good. They didn’t respond to my goad that Spanish women probably didn’t worry about getting bigger as they aged since they knew all Spanish men really wanted to marry their mothers.

If you’ve read the article, you’ll know that the [Spanish] author points to ‘benign narcissism’ as the bedrock of the confidence and self-esteem with which every Spanish child grows up and which provides a defence against teenage female angst. On balance – and having seen it at play in other cultures - I agree this is a good thing but I can’t help wondering whether it isn’t also the foundation of the individualismo I go on about. Or self-centredness, to be explicit. Oh, alright - a total lack of consideration for others who aren’t a friend or family member.

Talking of which, I should stress that every Spaniard to whom I’ve related the episode of Tony and my [ex]bougainvillea has been suitably horrified at his ‘bad education’. Which means his upbringing in Spain. It’s his mother’s fault, then.

Reading an indictment of the British economy yesterday, I was slightly troubled by this comment - The UK current account deficit reached 5.7% of GDP in the third quarter of last year. This is approaching banana republic status and is worse than any other major country in the world, except Spain. It seems we’re going down the tube together, though it’s possible Spain will get some protection from being member of the Euro zone. Or at least that’s what I thought until I read:- The EMU is a dysfunctional monetary union, where the Latin and Germanic halves are moving further apart and so are the spreads on sovereign bonds. The gloss will come off Euroland in due course. Thank God I don’t understand what ‘the spread on sovereign bonds’ is or I’d be quite worried.

Cross cultural perceptions: My cleaning lady is known for her capacity to chat. At a decibel level way above what’s normal in my house. As she was leaving at 8.30 last night, the Portuguese workers from the nearby building site were getting into their cars, after their 12 hour day. “My God!” said Teresa, “The Portuguese certainly can talk!”. I, on the other hand, was struck dumb.

Quote of the Week

Rules are for the guidance of wise men and the obedience of fools.

This is attributed to a first world war British fighter pilot but I strongly suspect he had a Spanish mother.