In Santander's Cathedral there's alleged to be a 'Pillar of Absolution', the base of which is a Muslim trough inscribed in Arabic. A trophy of war, in other words. If anyone knows exactly where this is to be found, perhaps they could let me know. After two fruitless tours of the cathedral, the cloister and the crypt, I asked an attendant and was assured it was inside the church itself. As I was completing my third tour of this, he approached and assured me it was actually the font. As this bore no relation whatsoever to the photo in my guide and was missing the Arabic verse on the purity of water, I decided it was time to give up.

Brittany Ferries have clearly hit on the idea of promoting 'mini cruises' which give travellers two days at sea and about three hours in Santander. Mostly, I'd guess, at the 'duty free' shop in the ferry terminal, where the prices are truly outrageous. At least by Spanish standards. Anyway, last time I did the Santander-Plymouth run, the ship was full of kids on half term. This time it was packed with West Country folk who appear to inhabit a time warp. I appreciate this sounds cruel but what else can you say about men who model themselves on the TV character Lovejoy? Complete with mullet hairdo. The worst of them were the loudmouths who drank and cursed like troopers. And these were the women. God knows what the impeccable French staff make of them all. It must surely make them worry about the Cornish-Breton connection.

In the USA, the gaol population stands at 750 per 100,000. No country in Europe comes close to this but Britain leads the local field at 149. Germany is 93, Turkey 91, France 85 and Italy a mere 67. Surprisingly, Spain ranks only just behind the UK at 146. More convergence.

I leave you with the key philosophical issue of the day - Am I the only Brit who can resist the temptation of a cooked breakfast? If so, this may explain why I was one of the few people on the Pont Avon who didn't appear to be at least overweight. And on that smug, self-congratulatory note, I'll leave you for the night. Put it down to tiredness.