I owe it to El Corte Ingles to record that I had excellent service when buying a camera from them here in Madrid this morning. My daughter later commented that she, too, had been treated very well recently. Which is all a bit disorientating.

Anyway, as I was making for the Retiro park in which to embark on the task of mastering the guide to the new camera, I realised that one of the things I love about Madrid is that – unlike in, say, Barcelona – you don’t have to keep your bag wrapped to your chest lest some cove dives out of a doorway to relieve you of it. Of course, there are still the Romanians with their requests for donations to a phoney orphanage or the like but one can easily deal with these without altering one’s speed. However, there are other little tourist traps one needs to be aware of and which I really shouldn’t fall into after 8 years. Like bringing you a pint of shandy when you didn’t order it and were expecting the usual 150mls. Or a quarter of a pint, if I am not mistaken. At a commensurate price.

Here’s a plug for an amusing book about folk like me from the North of England – Pies and Prejudice, by Stuart Maconie. Who is big on BBC Radio 2, apparently. He really is very accurate – as well as funny – about the North in general and Liverpool in particular. I may return to the book for a later post but suffice for now to cite a couple of unlikely Spanish connections. Firstly, he refers to the wonderful Staffordshire oatcakes as ‘A sort of heavy duty tortilla, with the texture of a flannel.’ And to Scousers as ‘The Basques of Lancashire – a race apart with a language and a culture that seem to bear no relation to any of the people around them.’ I have less trouble with the second of these.

So - as predicted a long while back - the Portuguese police have shelved the Maddy case. What a sorry, depressing affair it has been, highlighting many of the worst aspects of human nature.

And talking of Portuguese failures, it can have surprised no one, I suspect, that Ronaldo didn’t make the UEFA dream team, composed of players who took part in the recent tournament. Even less surprising, I suppose, is that eight Spanish players did make it.

On second thoughts, I suspect Ronaldo himself was surprised to be excluded. Can it really be true that Ferguson has threatened to confine him to the stands for the four years left on his contract, if he doesn’t stop talking about going to Real Madrid? One can but hope.