So, Britain and Spain are the only two major European economies still in recession. And British Airways and Iberia have finally agreed on their merger. Seems only right. But no wonder Ryanair have said it’s like two drunks propping each other up.

Which reminds me . . . Spain’s Federation of Rehabilitated Alcoholics says alcoholics here are now more likely to be in their 20s than in their 50s. Allegedly, two million people are said to fall into this category. Worse, almost four million – or 8% of the population – are said to abuse alcohol. Which is defined as drinking at least half a litre of wine a day. Or a little over three quarters of a bottle. The good news is that Spain’s drunken 20 somethings still show little evidence of the senseless boorishness and violence associated with booze in the UK.

As companies all over the world – even banks – report reduced profits, it comes as a comfort to know that our much-loved company, Telefónica, has kept theirs at the same level. I wouldn’t have thought it had much to do with customer service. But I must be fair and say they reacted remarkably swiftly last night to a report of a fault on my line. If they could only offer ADSL at a reasonable price, I might just sign up with them.

Danger: Bureaucrats at Work. A man born in Goole in the UK left instructions in his will that he be buried in another town, under a headstone that said “I would rather be in Goole”. The council finally acceded to his request, provided it was amended to read “Frankly, I would rather be in Goole”. On the grounds this would be less offensive.

I came across a new text/email abbreviation today – FFS. I’m not entirely sure what it means but plan to use it a lot. Starting right now. FFS!

Finally . . . In these days of globalised Americana, I can’t help wondering if any kids in the UK had to duck for apples on October 31. Or were they all out terrorising their neighbours? Especially the drunk ones. Kids, I mean.