As time is tight tonight, I’m lifting two items from a recent issue of Private Eye awaiting me on my return to Spain.

The first relates to the massively inflated municipal taxes that Brits now have to (supinely) pay. It’s a cartoon showing a man approaching three cashier windows in his local town hall. The first is labelled Arms, the second Legs and the third Shirts.You may have to be a native speaker to get this but I guess reader Moscow will manage it.

The second item comes from a long-running series of letters from readers who use punning surnames to add to the points they make. Some of these really are brilliant and I suspect Private Eye will soon be bringing out a collection of them. Meanwhile, though, here’s one that made me laugh out loud tonight - 

Dear Sirs.

Although I love it to bits and look forward to its appearance in every issue, I’m not at all sure what the highly cultured Chinese would make of your Pseudo Names section.

RHODA BORROCKS.

I fancy this one is going to be even tougher than the first one for non-native speakers. And even for some of the latter. So, this old joke may just help:
Man in Chinese restaurant: Waiter, this chicken is rubbery!
Waiter: Oh, thank-you very much, sir.

Finally . . . Talking of bad English, here’s a relevant story from today’s Spanish press. . .