I visited my father in his nursing home today. In the lift(elevator) there was a sign saying “If this lift stops suddenly, press the red button and wait for assistance.” As opposed to what? Making an ice carving of the Titanic??

But anyway, Chelsea delivered another outrageous result tonight, beating Bayern Munich on penalties, after the game was drawn 1-1 after extra time. And it's not often that English teams beat German teams on penalties. Not that there were a lot of Englishmen in the Chelsea team. But that's football for you. Although unworthy, they're now European champions.

I read somewhere today that the Dutch call officious people who stick to the letter of the law 'ant-fuckers'. Which seems like a welcome addition to the English language. To me at least.

Finally . . . Here's some of the millions of words currently being written about the euro and its (non)future. From a sceptic.