Sunday, September 14, 2014

Scotland v. Scotland; England v. Scotland; Carolina Ortera; & Welsh news.

Scotland: A couple of views from the media:-
And here's a view from me . . . Not long now until we know what the Scots have decided. If they do, at the last minute, plump for independence, then this is a list of all the things that should immediately be implemented in London, in no particular order:
  • All Scottish MPs at Westminster to be sent home.
  • All Scottish broadcasters and journalists to be sacked - Kirsty Walk, Andrew Marr, Andrew Neil, etc., etc.
  • All government posts manned by Scots - quite a lot - to be immediately vacated. Can't have foreigners in these.
  • Bagpipe music to be banned, on penalty of death.
  • Similarly the wearing of tartan, especially in the form of kilts.
  • Importation or manufacture of haggis to be banned (a long-standing goal) and offenders hung, drawn and quartered, with their guts then being made into haggises, to be sold to the Scots.
  • A ban to be introduced on the import of Scottish products such as whisky and shortbread.
  • All RUK customers of Scottish banks and insurance companies to be compelled to quit them, even if they move their head offices to London.
  • All Scottish bands and groups to be banned, especially that one with the trousers that ended mid-calf. Oh, and Annie Lennox and the bloody Pretenders.
  • All MPs in RUK who are Scots to resign immediately to that they can be replaced by citizens of the RUK
  • Scotland - like Ireland - to be removed from the RUK weather forecasts.
  • All BBC transmissions to Scotland to be stopped, especially Strictly Come Dancing and the X Factor.
  • A ban to be introduced on all Scottish comedians, even Frankie Boyle, but especially the ones I can't understand. Which is most of them.
  • Toll booths to be set up on the England-Scotland border, with free entry into Scotland but a toll of 100 pounds for Scots who want to come to England. Who cares if the Scots retaliate? No one will be going there except returning Scots no longer wanted in England.
  • A ban on all Scottish students at RUK universities. With transitional arrangements, obviously.
  • Closure of the RUK's submarine base in Scotland and the transfer of its 3,000 jobs to RUK.
  • A death sentence on Alex Salmond, to be implemented if he ever sets foot in the RUK.
Watching both Alex Salmond and George Galloway on TV this morning, something strange happened. I came away with some respect for the latter. Never thought I'd write that.

And here's a courageous (foolhardy? reckless?) forecast: The No camp will win by more than 5 points, quite possibly even 10.

Now, it's time to give long overdue recognition to Carolina Ortera, of Pontevedra province, even if I'd never heard of her until this today. She seems to have been quite a gal around the turn of the 19th century. I quote:- Ortera grew to be the most sought after woman in all of Europe. She was serving, by this time, as a courtesan to wealthy and powerful men of the day, and she chose her lovers carefully. She associated herself with the likes of Prince Albert I of Monaco, King Edward VII of the United Kingdom, Kings of Serbia, and Kings of Spain as well as Russian Grand Dukes Peter and Nicholas, the Duke of Westminster and writer Gabriele D'Annunzio. Her love affairs made her infamous, and the envy of many other notable female personalities of the day. Here she is in a famously scandalous film of 1898. You'd have to say tastes in women have clearly changed. At least in my house. You can also see a film based on her life on Youtube, in parts. Here's Part 1.

Finally . . . Here's a headline you don't see very often, on 4 counts: Hundreds of micro pigs shot after running wild in Wales.


kraal said...

Not happy about a ban on whisky but ok with transmission of strictly and X factor only to Sccotland.

Alfred B. Mittington said...

Personally, I think bagpipe music ought to be banned whether Scotland stays in the UK or not.

As for really getting back at an uppity split-away Scotland: the best way to go about it is to offer all Scots a once-in-a-lifetime choice to become citizens of the RUK, on the condition of giving up Scottish citizenship and residency. Half the population will rush to abandon the doomed place, including the best and the brightest.

The new proud nation will be an empty, desolate wasteland when men will play the bagpipes forever trying to attract a mate. Two generations down the road, not a soul will live there anymore. The bagpipe music comes to a final stop. The sheep rove wild over the moors. The crude oil derricks gradually rust away until occupied by passing Norwegian rowboats. No more is heard from Salmon or the Monster of Loch Ness. Peace descents upon the highlands…

But on the other hand: if they really wish to go it alone, who cares? The world will still keep turning.


Perry said...

Abiogenesis • an hour ago
If the poll is yes, what effect will that have on the referendum for the rest of us to leave the EU?

Scotland's application to join the EU would be astonishing to watch. The hoops they'd have to jump through would beggar the peeps so thoroughly that England would be able to purchase the place for a mess of pottage.

RAENorth Mod Abiogenesis • 36 minutes ago

That is one of the huge gaps in Mr Salmond's exit plan. He was convinced that Scotland would remain in the EU, and had all sorts of vainglorious ideas about how he was going to take Brussels by storm, and tell them what for. Now, on top of independence from the UK, he also has to work on the consequences of leaving the EU, which in many ways is more complex, given the international dimensions.

Then, there is no reason why Brussels should welcome Scotland into the fold. The Commission has already said there will be no enlargement for the next five years, and they could hold to that, leaving Salmond to cool his heels for half a decade ... if for nothing other than to send a message to the Catalonians. Meannwhile, without so much as a trade deal with the EU, we set up customs posts on the border ... the queues on the A1 and M74 will be a joy to behold.

Alfred B. Mittington said...

Oh, the EU will be more than ready to re-welcome an independent Scotland into the ranks, dear Perry. After all: nobody should be allowed to leave, and the more join, the happier they are. Hence Ukraine, and Georgia and soon: Tunisia and Morocco and what not.

The real trouble is that nervous countries like Spain and Italy will veto the re-entry of Scotland if they can, to avoid secession of places like Catalonia. And how will the EU manage to get around that??

A dark period of murky dealings lies ahead of us…

Yours, sincerely,


Azra said...

Haha, you sound like you want to punish every Scot in the land for the country wanting its independence. Surely not all Scots are on board though...

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