As I'm travelling back to Ponters
today, I thought I'd re-post this effort of March 2014. I stumbled
across it yesterday and was quite amused:-
Are the
Spanish rude?
As a
doctor, I'm often asked by visitors: Are the Spanish really as
rude as they seem to be? The answer to this is, of course, Yes and
No.
1. The
Spanish can be the most civil people on earth, provided only that
they know you. For the personal factor is everything in Spain and,
once that link is in place, it entitles you to superlative treatment,
possibly above anything you've had elsewhere. I've experienced the
same thing in the Middle East.
2. If they
don't know you, things can be quite different. They might not park in
front of your garage, for example, if there is a personal link, but
they might if there isn't. My neighbour proves this rule by ignoring
it.
3. This
personal link is easy to establish; you just start talking. So, for
example, in the days when people smoked while you were eating next to
them, a polite request would result in profuse apologies and the
immediate stubbing of the cigarette. (I almost wrote 'fag' but this
would have confused any American readers.)
4. Some
concepts common to other countries are unknown or unrecognised in
Spain. These include:-
Personal
space. Put simply, you haven't got any. And what you think you
have will be regularly invaded, e. g. when someone walks out of shop
and right across your path, 5cm in front of your nose. Another aspect
of this norm is that people will make no effort to 'compromise' with
you when the two of you are occupying the space of only one person.
On the pavement, for example. If you're lucky, there'll be a
semi-pasa doble movement when the other person is, say,
30cm from you. But it's important for them that they don't
acknowledge your existence. This may be connected with the
preservation of 'face'. Something else I've seen in the Middle East.
Noise:
The Spanish have a word for this, of course, but no concept of what
it means. Or of when it becomes unusually high by international
standards. And they don't have a phrase for 'deafening' noise. So,
it's perfectly permissible here to shout at someone when you're
talking to them.
Augmenting the last point is the acceptability of talking at
the same time as someone else. Or everyone in the same discussion
speaking at the same time. At its worst, this can lead to a
shout-fest. To see these in action any night of the week, you need
only watch any talk-show on TV. And it makes no difference whether
this is low-end (gossip) or high-end (political analysis); they may
start differently but they all end the same way. One's forced to
conclude this behaviour is, in fact, compulsory in Spain.
Child
control: Another unknown concept. There are exceptions but,
generally, Spanish kids are allowed to do what they want, as loudly
as they want. In 13 years, I don't think I've heard a single child
told to stop something - kicking a ball around a café, for example -
because he's upsetting/endangering adults. If you visit a Spanish
school you'll see the effect of allying the no-noise norm with the no-control norm. Bedlam, in short.
Queue
jumping: There are some, I suspect, who'd say queuing is another
unknown concept but I differ on this. I've only had to haul back a
couple of disingenuous old women over the years. What does go on is
that, as you're talking to, say, the Telefónica woman, someone will
come into the shop and address a query to her, as you are engaged in
conversation. And she will reply. The convention appears to be that,
if both the enquiry and the response are short, then the interruption
is acceptable. I've seen the same thing in queues in the supermarket
where a person wanting only one item will jump it at the expense of
the rest. I tend to regard this, not as an example of bad manners,
but of Spanish pragmatism. Though I suspect most Brits could not
bring themselves to do this.
Mobile
phones: At least as much as elsewhere in the world - and quite
possibly more so - the Spanish will answer their phone whoever
they're currently talking to. I see this as a reflection of the love
of talking. If the prospect of an exciting new conversation arises,
it must be seized. Carpe verbum, you might say.
Planning:
The Spanish are aware of this concept but positively abhor and avoid
it. They pride themselves, in contrast, on their spontaneity and will
deliberately try to sabotage the efforts of anally-retentive Northern
Europeans to lay down plans for more than 3 hours ahead.
Invitations:
Connected to the last point is the Spanish inability to stick to
their acceptance of an invitation. Everyone will accept your
invitation but few of them will actually turn up. This is because a
Spanish Yes really means Yes, unless something better
comes up in the meantime. Even if this merely means sitting on the
sofa with a drink in your hand.
Lying:
The Spanish are rather ambiguous about lying. You can see this from
the fact the word for 'lie' - mentira - also means
'mistake'. So, if you meet a friend who didn't turn up after
accepting your invitation, he or she will give you an outrageous
reason for this. You'll both know they're not telling the truth and,
in this way, your friend can convince himself he or she made a
mistake and didn't lie. Especially if they missed a party everyone
else is talking about. In fact, the more outrageous the lie, the
easier the liar can convince himself you know he's not telling the
truth. Therefore, he's not lying. Just covering up.
Well,
that's enough education for today. I might have more tomorrow,
depending, perhaps, on the Comments. . .
Needless
to say, the way to deal with (survive?) all the above is to lower
your expectations and love the Spanish for what they are – viz. not
you.
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