Apart from the
first paragraph, this post is all about Trump. One reason is that my Mac
charger - the 4th in 5
years – is bust and I’m having to type on the British keyboard of my daughter’s
Mac Air. The smaller keyboard and the typing ‘mistakes’ born of my use of a
Spanish keyboard are driving me nuts . . .
I have to say I
admire my younger daughter’s consistency – not only does she leave every light
in the house on during the days she’s in the place but also when she’s away for
2 days. But I’m not so admiring, of course, when she does it at my house.
The estimable
Caitlin Moran has this to say about Donald Trump, echoing one of my comments of
last week:- However much we laugh at his hair, lies, unhappy-looking marriage
and insane tie-wearing aesthetic, “The” Donald has the nuclear codes, so
ultimately every joke will eventually blow back and irradiate us, come The
Reckoning. As regards said tie-wearing aesthetic, she has this advice for him: — MATE!
IT’S OVER A METRE LONG AND FLAPPING AROUND YOUR NADS! NO ONE WEARS A TIE LIKE
THIS! BECAUSE THEY’VE ALL READ FREUD FOR TODDLERS! DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR
AND STOP BEING A WALKING METAPHOR FOR PENILE INSECURITY!
My friend, Dwight,
tagged Trump a textbook Narcissist – not merely a narcissist – long before he became
president and before this perception became almost universal. Here’s an article
that Dwight has just sent me on this. Even if you weren’t frightened before you read
this, you'll be terrified after.
Here’s what’s psychologically
wrong with Donald Trump: Karen Wehrstein
With all the talk of Donald Trump’s mental health
status, I’ve decided to do something I’ve put off for a while: write a diary
that shows he is a textbook case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD),
and spell out what that means in terms of what to expect from him and how to deal
with it. Certainly the term “narcissist” is being applied to him a lot,
but most people don’t know the entirety of what that means, psychologically.
I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist, but for
personal reasons I have educated myself about NPD. It generally conceals
itself and is little understood—but has a devastating effect on the lives of
others close to the narcissist or to organizations he is involved with.
Knowing NPD creates a coherent picture that explains Trump’s behaviors.
That will help you not only understand Trump, but enable you to spot people
with NPD who want to enter your life, organization, etc., so that you can act
accordingly. This is an educational moment in history. It is very rare
that the symptoms of NPD are on such massive public display.
If you find yourself completely baffled by Trump’s
behavior, that’s because mentally-healthy people generally find NPD-rooted
behaviors incomprehensible. The narcissist violates social norms that
healthy people hold instinctively and therefore assume (usually correctly) that
others hold—while at the same time he creates a semblance of normalcy, because
being able to do so is part of the disorder. Because the rest of us
cannot relate to, often cannot even imagine how a narcissist thinks and feels,
it seems outside the realm of plausibility, and so his semblance of normalcy
will fool us. Not only Trump voters but fellow Republicans and even Putin
have shown signs of buyer’s remorse with Trump. That’s because he fooled
them all. Narcissists can do that.
So, since he’s a textbook case, let’s hit the
textbook. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)
– the American Psychiatric Association’s guidebook for mental health diagnosis
– gives diagnostic criteria for all mental illnesses. Between the fourth
and fifth editions, the criteria for NPD changed, so I am going to use both to
paint a fuller picture. If you’ve been following the presidential news
for the last few months, you’ll likely be able to think of at least one and
probably several examples of Trump demonstrating every single diagnostic
criterion below.
From DSM-IV:
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or
behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy.
1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance (e.g.,
exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior
without commensurate achievements)
2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success,
power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. Believes he is "special" and can only be
understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people
(or institutions)
4. Requires excessive admiration
5. Has a sense of entitlement
6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his
own ends
7. Lacks empathy
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others
are envious of him
9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or
contemptuous behaviors or attitudes
From DSM-5
A. Significant impairments in personality functioning
manifest by:
1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):
a. Identity: Excessive reference to others for
self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be
inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation
mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.
b. Self-direction: Goal-setting is based on gaining
approval from others; personal standards are unreasonably high in order to see
oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement; often
unaware of own motivations.
AND
2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):
a. Empathy: Impaired ability to recognize or identify
with the feelings and needs of others; excessively attuned to reactions of
others, but only if perceived as relevant to self; over- or underestimate of
own effect on others.
b. Intimacy: Relationships largely superficial and
exist to serve self-esteem regulation; mutuality constrained by little genuine
interest in others’ experiences, and predominance of a need for personal gain
B. Pathological personality traits in the following
domain:
1. Antagonism,
characterized by:
a. Grandiosity: Feelings
of entitlement, either overt or covert; self-centeredness; firmly holding to
the belief that one is better than others; condescending toward others.
b. Attention seeking:
Excessive attempts to attract and be the focus of the attention of others;
admiration seeking.
President Obama and others who have observed that
Trump’s behaviors arise from an underlying insecurity are right, as per DSM-5
criterion A.1.a. above. Kossacks and others have figured out that the way
to get under his skin is to is to point out how unpopular he is, because that
works on narcissists. In fact any criticism does, because narcissists
can’t handle criticism at all, cannot help but take it personally, as per DSM-5
criteria A.1. a & b both.
How else does this translate into behaviors?
Let’s start with the persona narcissists create.
Because they lack empathy, they have to learn how to appear normal, which they
do by rote-learning expressions and mannerisms from normal people around
them. In fact, they are good at being charming; they learn what people
want to hear and say it without regard to whether it is true. Because
they are without moral qualms, they can come across as decisive, which normal
people interpret as confident, and spontaneous, which normal people interpret
as authentic. This is how Trump played the crowds at his rallies.
None of it, however, is sincere; it is only for personal gain. There is
no such thing as loyalty from narcissists; loyalty arises from the social norm
of reciprocity, which is based on empathy, which they don’t have.
Next: falsehood. Honesty is also a social norm
based on empathy, so narcissists feel no need to hold themselves to it.
Falsehood serves two functions: 1) manipulating people into furthering the
narcissist’s aims (e.g. making promises he never intends to keep); 2)
maintaining his own delusion of superiority, e.g. insisting he is liked more
than he is, or rebutting good arguments with false ones. The media is debating
whether Trump’s tales of a record-breaking inauguration audience and 3-5
million illegal votes are lying or delusion. Knowing what I do of NPD, I
would say it’s delusion. Trump will cling to it and keep it in the news
even at the risk of damaging his own credibility, because it engages his
central, very strong motivation, and he lacks the empathy to see how it will
damage his credibility.
Because narcissists are so insecure at heart they can
be control freaks, and the male of the species in particular can be
authoritarian. Hence, executive orders that are likely unconstitutional
as well as absurd. In a “love” relationship (because narcissists lack
empathy, which is central to love), he can seek to dictate every aspect of his
partner’s life, including that she conform to his standard of beauty.
Thus he feels free to wander into the dressing room of a teen beauty pageant to
“inspect the goods,” and you’ll see a certain uniformity among the Trump women
in style of dress and even length of hair. I think he is likely giving
them strict orders.
At the same time, there will be impulsiveness,
moodiness and disorganized thinking. A narcissist is really a six-year-old in a
grown-up body, lacking reason and ruled by emotion; recall Melania Trump’s
comment that she had to look after two boys, one being Barron, the other,
Donald. People have suspected Trump’s reversals and word-salads could
indicate ADHD, but these are indicators of NPD, too.
In his exploitiveness, the narcissist violates
social norms concerning appropriate boundaries, whether those boundaries are
codified in conflict-of-interest prohibitions, investment loan contracts,
business contracts, sexual assault laws or what-have-you. The narcissist
basically feels that rules are for him to set, not obey. This includes
even the rules of logic, such as “base your decisions on facts.”
Projection characterizes how narcissists describe
people who oppose them. They will “project their own negative introject,” in
Freudian terms, i.e. ascribe their own wrongdoing and faults to other people,
whether it be criminality (“crooked Hillary”), lying or a rigged
election. I have come to assume that whatever Trump accuses someone else
of doing, he is doing or has done himself.
Competitiveness and envy result from others apparently
outdoing the narcissist, e.g. President Obama drawing large inauguration
crowds. He, and everything he’s touting, has to be the biggest, the best,
the huuuugest.
Rage and vindictiveness result from the narcissist’s
wishes being thwarted which, of course, life does fairly often, quite
naturally. It is a primal rage, like a child’s; hence Trump’s angry style
of speaking and noted obsession with getting even.
One reason the golden shower story went so viral;
Americans have come to know Trump well enough to see it is plausible.
Rage translates into hate, which can manifest as racism, sexism, and
homophobia.
So how to deal with a narcissist? To put it very
bluntly: don’t.
There really is nothing to do with these people but to
disassociate with them. They bring nothing but harm and suffering.
However, if you are stuck with one, there are ways to handle it:
1) Avoid being
disillusioned: have very low expectations. Here are things never to
expect from a narcissist: honesty, loyalty, reciprocity, change due to the
gravity of a position, reasonableness in negotiation, learning through
experience, maturation, adaptability, courage, ability to handle adversity,
aspiration to genuine excellence, genuine altruism, humility, guilt or shame
for wrongdoing, equanimity, sincere gratitude, sincere appreciation, sincere
praise, admission that he is wrong, returned favours or improvement of the
condition. In Trump’s case, you can’t even expect normal laughter or a
smile that goes up to his eyes. Prognosis is poor because narcissists
think all problems are caused by other people and so generally don’t seek
treatment. Many people, even ones as smart as President Obama, expected
Trump to settle down some once he was president. I knew he wouldn’t.
He actually is not capable of doing so.
2) Do not
normalize. Healthy people have a tendency to give the benefit of the
doubt, in part because they simply can’t believe a narcissist is the way he is.
It is standard operating procedure for him to use that to gaslight you;
normalizing is gaslighting yourself. Recognize and accept that he is the
way he is, that it’s due to mental illness and that he will not change.
This is what the mainstream media most needs to learn about Trump.
3) If you are trying to
figure out why he would do something, ask yourself, “How might it be motivated
by a need to feel significant or important?” Discount all other
motivations. Your questions will be answered.
4) Keep interactions
distant. Don’t depend on a narcissist for anything; never make yourself
vulnerable to a narcissist. Don’t loan him money or do work for him
without 100% payment upfront.
5) Expect those around
him to be damaged. They are either brain-washed into being extensions of
him, parroting his thoughts, or faking same for personal gain, or bewildered by
the madness. Expect chaos in any organization he leads: good people will
resign in disgust or be fired, while marginal people ascend to powerful
positions.
6) Do not attempt to reason
with or educate him. It doesn’t happen.
7) Manipulate
him by using his disorder. Flattery will get you everywhere;
convince him that your idea was his brilliant one and he’ll run with it.
Trump’s campaign staff learned to do this. But if you’re too honest for
that:
8) Get rid of him as
fast as possible. How?
a. Stop giving him what
he so desperately needs. Once a narcissist realizes someone is no longer
a source of approval, admiration and adoration, he’ll be off like a shot looking
for the next sucker.
b. Expose him.
Narcissists also tend to flee when they realize people are onto them. I
am actually expecting Trump to flame out fairly soon, perhaps within weeks,
because he is revealing that his condition makes him unable to deal with losing
the popular vote, drawing a small inaugural audience, being mocked by SNL or
greeted with protests wherever he goes. The media are beginning to talk
openly about his mental illness; how will he handle that?
The central thing to understand about narcissists is
that their need for “narcissistic supply” – feelings of being significant,
important and adored – overrides all other considerations, including empathy
and all the human norms that arise from it, because their delusion is to equate
narcissistic supply with survival—same as a drowning victim might drown their
rescuer. Some narcissists, having flashes of realism as some of them
sometimes do, have described narcissistic supply as a far stronger addiction
than heroin.
It’s a throwback to the helplessness of early
childhood, where not being considered important and lovable by parents is a
genuine threat to survival. Thus a narcissist is always trying to soothe
an all-encompassing internal terror, and no amount of narcissistic supply can ever
soothe it entirely. This is the inner hell in which Donald Trump lives,
and which he now has the ability to externalize onto the United States of
America and the world.
I go with the flame-out expectation/fervent hope.
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